Multinational Lauffs Complains about China

From the New York Times

Chinese Legislate Labor Law Reform: No Worker Left Behind!


"Passage of the measure came shortly after officials and the state news media unearthed the widespread use of slave labor in as many as 8,000 brick kilns and small coal mines in Shanxi and Henan Provinces. It was one of the most glaring labor scandals since China began adopting market-style economic policies a quarter century ago.
The police have freed nearly 600 workers, many of them teenagers, held against their will in factories owned or operated by well-connected businesspeople and local officials.

"Abuses of migrant laborers have been endemic in China, where millions of temporary workers have faced unpaid wages, unsafe working conditions and collusion between factory owners and local officials.

"“It will be more difficult to run a company here,” said Andreas W. Lauffs, head of Baker & McKenzie’s employment law group, which represents many of America’s biggest corporations in China."

Meanwhile, back in the U.S., immigrant workers continue to be abused, the Senate can't figure out a reform that would satisfy both corporations and nativists, and the right to choose a union continues to be honored in the breach. Now that's post-modernism!

Tooth Paste!

Defending Poison in Tooth Paste

Beijing, from a special correspondent

"What's the big deal?" says Chinese toothpaste manufacturer.

A leading toothpaste manufacturer expressed his bewilderment at US objections to small amounts of poison in toothpaste imported from China.

"How come all of a sudden you are getting upset about a little poison? The risk is minimal and the dentifrice is very cheap! Do the math!" said an industry spokesperson. "Isn't this the kind of reasoning you neoliberal one-world globalization assholes have been pushing? Cost-benefit? In any case, most of the people who've been given this stuff are in jail, so who gives a damn about them, and the others are poor people who buy in discount stores! And since when did you give a f+++ about poor people?"

We would normally expurgate such comments, but why censor such self-serving statements? "They are transparently ill-informed," said a high placed white house official. "We should just shut them up!"

Old Hurricane

Alice Williamson Diary



Eleazar Arthur Paine
________________________________________


(from Durham, Walter T. Rebellion Revisited, a History of Sumner County, Tennessee From 1861 to 1870. Sumner County Museum Association. Gallatin, Tennessee. 1982)

Throughout her diary Alice Williamson refers to him as E. A. Payne, Payne, Gen. P., Old Payne, Our king, Tempest, his lordship, old hurricane, Thunder Storm, and Old Marster, but his real name was Eleazar Arthur Paine. He was born on September 10, 1815, in Geauga City, Oh. He died on December 16, 1882 in Jersey City, NJ. He graduated from West Point 1839 and went on to be a lawyer and militia officer. After the war he practiced law. He was a cousin of Gen. H E Paine, who later became a congressman, and a bureaucrat. His Civil War service includes:
• July 1861 Col. of 9th Illinois, September 1861 appointed Brig. Gen. of Volunteers
• Commanded a brigade at Paducah
• Commanded 4th Division/Army of the Mississippi at New Madrid
• Island No 10, Ft. Pillow, Memphis
• Commanded 1st Division/Army of the Mississippi and District of West Kentucky
• Guarded railroads
• Resigned from millitary duty April 1865.
(from http://funnelweb.utcc.utk.edu/~hoemann/ung_p.html)
The following is a short table, showing some figures about the men and weapons under Paine's command, taken from The War of the Rebellion: a Compilation of the Official Records of the Union and Confederate Armies Ser.1, v.32 pt.3.
District of Nashville (Rousseau)
Officers Men Agg. present Agg. present and absent pieces of artillery
heavy field
Gallatin (Paine) 8 130 157 159 6
Gallatin was repressed by the brutal General Eleazor A. Paine, commander of the Union railroad guard from November 1862, to April, 1864. The occupying army in Gallatin had two assignments; protect the rail and water lines, and police the civilian population. In 1862, they built a fort at Gallatin, called Fort Thomas, that overlooked the town. The provost marshall stationed at the fort wa s given the responsibility of policing Gallatin.
During 1863 General Paine tightened military control over the Gallatin area. He did this by giving patriotic speeches to his troops, and getting support from the local newspapers. His men criss-crossed Summer County, looking for rebels and bushwhacker s. For example, in January, he took a large force eastward towards Kentucky, using cavalry to round up rebels.
His tyranny was always present. He was known all around Gallatin for executing suspected rebel spies without a trial. His sadistic executions like chasing down prisoners who were set free on old horses is described in Williamson’s diary as "chasing the fox with fresh horses". He also had a fondness for villagers’ furniture, confiscating it for his own use.
He was removed from the post April 29, 1864 by the orders of Major General William T. Sherman, who transferred him to Tullahoma to guard bridges across the Duck and Elk rivers. The following is the text of the order as published in The War of the Rebellion: a Compilation of the Official Records of the Union and Confederate Armies Ser.1, v.32 pt.3.

April 29, 1864
General Rousseau,
Nashville, Ten.: Order General Paine and the regiment now at Gallatin to Tullahoma, and give him charge of the defense of the road, embracing Duck and Elk River bridges. Replace Paine's troops by some guard at the bridges. The road north of Nashville is not important to me but the south is vital. Remember to place gun racks and muskets in all the forts and strong buildings, so that citizens may, if necessary, assist in the defense of Nashville. But there is no danger there now and cannot be for a month to come
W.T. Sherman
He was quickly back to his old ways, and soon he was under investigation. A congressional inquiry into his actions in Kentucky found him guilty on some counts, and punished him by reprimand at Paducah.
Eleazer A. Paine's son was mentioned by Alice as "Capt. Paine (Son of Tempest)", and was stationed at Gallatin for a time. His full name was Captain Phelps Paine.
(from Durham, Walter T. Rebellion Revisited, a History of Sumner County, Tennessee From 1861 to 1870 Sumner County Museum Association. Gallatin, Tennessee. 1982.)
http://scriptorium.lib.duke.edu/williamson/annotations/paine.html

E-Lexicon from our European Correspondent

Dear Crispy,

Here is some e-lexicon I have developed. I would like to encourage the blog readers to keep adding to the list.

New E-lexicon

Wratting: chat writing (as in "let’s wrat")
Skugging: hugging a loved one on Skype
Skissing: kissing a loved one on Skype
e-stalking: continuously reminding people of things by email (as in people who owe you book chapters for a book you are editing, or who owe you money, or anything else you have to keep reminding them to send you)
e-troduction – introducing people to each other on email

Natasha, European Correspondent

Institute for Nanny Technology

Special from Research Triangle, North Carolina

A new Institute for Nanny Technology has been launched in the Research Triangle, near Durham and Raleigh, North Carolina. "The scarcity of legal nannies has provoked a serious research effort," announced Tommie Thompson, former head of HHS and erstwhile Republican presidential aspirant. "Some say that they had to give me something just to stay out of the Presidential race, but I think that the problems of illegal immigrant nannies, shaken babies, and stuff like that, warrant serious investigation by highly qualified investigators." Critics have suggested that the institute be called the No-No Technology Center, but that was certainly not a serious suggestion.

Bush announces new Dept of Ontological Security

Washington, by special correspondent.

The Bush Administration announced this morning at the Sunday services of Alexandria's Re-Born and Forever (Coke-head No-more) Cathedral that the new Dept of Ontological Security would be headed by Tony Blair. Blair has recently retired as British Prime Minister and, according to UK tabloids, is converting to Roman Catholocism. This took him out of the running for Special Ambassador to the Mid-East for the Coalition of the Insane, but Condo Rice insisted that a spot be made for him. "This is the man who got down on his knees with the President!" said the Rice-person. "Ontology has got to be taken care of by such an ass-kissing piece of friendship!"



Ontological security also involves having a positive view of self, the world and the future.Ontological security is a stable mental state derived from a sense of continuity in regard to the events in one's life. Giddens (1991) refers to ontological security as a sense of order and continuity in regard to an individual’s experiences. He argues that this is reliant on people’s ability to give meaning to their lives. Meaning is found in experiencing positive and stable emotions, and by avoiding chaos and anxiety (ibid; Elias, 1985). If an event occurs that is not consistent with the meaning of an individual's life, this will threaten that individual's ontological security. from Wikipedia

Bloomberg Buys America!

New York, by a special reporter.

Mayor Bloomberg announced to day that rather than run for president his new strategy was to simply buy the United States. "After discussions with Soros, Buffett and Gates, I've decided that if we pool some of our resources, we can simply buy the whole damned place and stop this nonsense of corruption in Florida, Ohio, etc." "The people in Texas think too small," said a Bloomberg spokesman. "Think of all the money we'll save on elections, primaries, campaigns, all that bullshit. It's cost effective!"

Rupert Murdoch refused to answer our calls. He seems to feel that his game of buying all the newspapers in the world, plus television, etc., has been out-classed by the Davos Commies, as the new consortium is called.

Blair Turns Down Bank

London, special correspondent.

Tony Blair has turned down the job as head of the World Bank. "I'm concerned that the UK might need a loan pretty soon and I don't want to get into any conflicts of interest," said the retiring PM. "I have been thinking about running as an independent for the presidency in the US, but now the Republicans are offering me the spot, so I have to think through my plans." "Retirement is really great," said his old friend, Bill "Baby Face" Clinton. "I'd like to spend some time shooting old friends like the boys in Texas do." Blair and Clinton broke out into laughter when they saw Wolfie walk by. "London is a smashing place!" said all the old boys.

Hungarian Answer to Global Warming

Vote! New Words of 2007

Natasha, our European correspondent asks that you vote for one of the following "new words" of 2007.

Seagull Manager - manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything then leaves.

Assmosis - the process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard

Woofys. Well Off Older Folks.

Teletubbies Banned in Poland

Special From Europe: Hard Times Ahead

The International Schmucks Association recently has come up against - well actually come out against - the proposal of Barefoot Mohels to the Gates Foundation.

The Schmucks considered that the barefoot mohels were threatening to take over the territory traditionally considered to be the property of schmucks. Sounding more and more like a radical right-wing element, the ISA also made strong statements against "growing little things".

They said they only support big things; it makes them remember who they are and what they stand for.

When asked if the ISA could not support "growing small things" out of solidarity with steps to reverse global warming, the ISA president put up his two thumbs, replying, "See these? Schmucks look like this, and we like everything big. We like giving a hard time to everyone."

No further questions were put to the ISA following this supreme display of international ego-schmuckness.

Natasha, European Correspondent

Riddle

What's the difference between irony and cynicism?

Michael Baroody

Satan in Utah

CALEB WARNOCK - Daily Herald

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Utah County Republicans ended their convention on Saturday by debating Satan's influence on illegal immigrants.
The group was unable to take official action because not enough members stuck around long enough to vote, despite the
pleadings of party officials.
The convention was held at Canyon View Junior High School.
Don Larsen, chairman of legislative District 65 for the Utah County Republican Party, had submitted a resolution warning
that Satan's minions want to eliminate national borders and do away with sovereignty.
In a speech at the convention, Larsen told those gathered that illegal immigrants "hate American people" and "are
determined to destroy this country, and there is nothing they won't do."
Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to "destroy Christian America"
and replace it with "a godless new world order -- and that is not extremism, that is fact," Larsen said.
At the end of his speech, Larsen began to cry, saying illegal immigrants were trying to bring about the destruction of the
U.S. "by self invasion."
Republican officials then allowed speakers to defend and refute the resolution. One speaker, who was identified as "Joe,"
said illegal immigrants were Marxist and under the influence of the devil. Another, who declined to give her name to the
Daily Herald, said illegal immigrants should not be allowed because "they are not going to become Republicans and stop
flying the flag upside down. ... If they want to be Americans, they should learn to speak English and fly their flag like we
do."

New CDC Program to Reduce Obesity!

Atlanta, Special to HG&W

The US Centers for Disease Control has unwrapped its brand new Anti-Obesity Campaign.
It relies heavily on imported food, but the Feds have every expectation that US companies will join the effort.

Panama Leads the Way

"A syrupy poison, diethylene glycol, is an indispensable part of the modern world, an industrial solvent and prime ingredient in antifreeze.

It is also a killer. And the deaths, if not intentional, are often no accident.

The kidneys fail first. Then the central nervous system begins to misfire. Paralysis spreads, making breathing difficult, then often impossible without assistance. In the end, most victims die.

Many of them are children, poisoned at the hands of their unsuspecting parents.

Over the years, the poison has been loaded into all varieties of medicine - cough syrup, fever medication, injectable drugs - a result of counterfeiters who profit by substituting the sweet-tasting solvent for a safe, more expensive syrup, usually glycerin, commonly used in drugs, food, toothpaste and other products.

Toxic syrup has figured in at least eight mass poisonings around the world in the past two decades. Researchers estimate that thousands have died. In many cases, the precise origin of the poison has never been determined. But records and interviews show that in three of the last four cases it was made in China, a major source of counterfeit drugs.

Panama is the most recent victim. Last year, government officials there unwittingly mixed diethylene glycol into 260,000 bottles of cold medicine - with devastating results. Families have reported 365 deaths from the poison, 100 of which have been confirmed so far. With the onset of the rainy season, investigators are racing to exhume as many potential victims as possible before bodies decompose even more.

The Panama death toll leads directly to Chinese companies that made and exported the poison as 99.5 percent pure glycerin."

Meanwhile, back in the US,

20 Million Melamine-Fed Chickens Released to Market

"The U.S. Department of Agriculture said today that some 20 million chickens that ate feed contaminated with melamine will be released to market. The chickens had been held on farms in several states.
"In several cases, feed samples have tested negative for melamine and related compounds," USDA said in a statement. "It is assumed that because only small amounts of the contaminated feed were mixed with other rations, the melamine and related compounds were no longer detectable."

Last week, USDA said there were 38 farms in Indiana where some 3.1 million chickens may have eaten tainted feed in February, but were slaughtered and sent to market. Also, about 6,000 hogs in six states may have also eaten contaminated feed.

A hold was placed on the 20 million birds late Friday as the melamine investigation continued.

An assessment conducted by scientists from five federal agencies concluded today that there is "very low risk to human health" from consuming meat from hogs and chickens that ate feed supplemented with pet food scraps that contained melamine and melamine-related compounds.

In the most extreme risk assessment scenario, when scientists assumed that all the solid food a person consumes in an entire day was contaminated with melamine at the levels observed in animals fed contaminated feed, the potential exposure was about 2,500 times lower than the dose considered safe.

It was well below any level of public health concern, the government scientists said.

The risk assessment is a component of the continuing federal joint investigation into imported wheat gluten and rice protein concentrate from China that contained melamine and melamine-related compounds.

It first showed up in pet food that killed thousands of cats and dogs earlier this year. Last week, the U.S. Department of Agriculture announced the pet food had been eaten by three million chickens and hogs in six states.

The risk assessment was conducted by scientists from the Food and Drug Administration, FDA, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention of the Department of Health and Human Services, the Environmental Protection Agency, U.S. Customs and Border Protection of the Department of Homeland Security and the Food Safety and Inspection Service of the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

This team is now compiling a scientific assessment of the risk to animal health associated with ingestion of animal feed containing melamine and its compounds.

To ensure no further contaminated products enter the U.S., the federal government will continue to monitor imported wheat and corn gluten as well as rice protein concentrate and isolates arriving from all countries destined for human and animal consumption.

The FDA import alert for these products sourced from China remains in effect and U.S. Customs and Border Protection will continue laboratory testing of the products as they enter the United States. The inspections are a precautionary measure, said the FDA, adding, "There is no evidence to suggest products bound for the human food supply are contaminated."

Absolutely not!! And you who think the FDA or the Department of Agriculture might bullshit us, SHAME ON YOU!

Schmucks Strike Back!

Washington (Special to the HG&W)

In two actions yesterday, the Schmucks International struck back at the neo-liberal establishment. At 6AM, as the sun rose, Washington saw that the Washington Monument, a giant schmuck if I ever saw one, had been painted pink. "This is another example of unleashed and unreasonable gay activism!" said the President of the Free World. "We will defend ourselves with all the strength, blood, sweat, etc. It looks like the Schmucks have joined the Gays!"

Meanwhile, Sunday afternoon at the Vatican Museum was a shock. All the penises that had been broken off Greek statues had been superglued back on and in an anatomically correct manner. "What are we to do," said the German Pope, "when the conspiracy of Schmucken has widened to this extent!!!"

The only comforting news for the anti-schmuck forces was the assurance from Pakistan that they were not sheltering the Schmuck forces. "What a relief!" said the leader of the free world and the pope.

The War on Schmucks

Washington, Special to the HG&W

President Whatever has announced that the US has declared a new war, a War on Schmucks.

"Exactly what is a schmuck?" queried the President rhetorically. "A schmuck is anybody I don't like! And there are a lot of them, so watch out!"

"I think this is a misuse of the term 'schmuck'," stated Elie Wiesel, BU Professor of Bad Stuff. "Schmuck is a really Yiddish thing and the term should not be bandied about."

Ali Tarminian responded for the Armenian Insurgency: "Schmuck is not the property of the Jews! If Bush or Whatever wants to declare a war on schmucks, that's his right as leader of the Free World!"

"No! No!" said Helmut Schultz. "Schmuck has a very particular meaning -- and it is meaningless to talk about a war on ornaments!"

President Whatever said that he was deeply concerned about the weapons of mass seduction that he's heard were being kept in the hills by a "bunch of schmucks." "We will show no mercy!, said VP Cheney. "Why I shot some schmuck in the head on a recent hunting trip and it felt great!"

Hard Times Then and Now

"Surely there never was such fragile china-ware as that of which the
millers of Coketown were made. Handle them never so lightly, and they
fell to pieces with such ease that you might suspect them of having
been flawed before. They were ruined, when they were required to send
labouring children to school; they were ruined when inspectors were
appointed to look into their works; they were ruined, when such
inspectors considered it doubtful whether they were quite justified in
chopping people up with their machinery; they were utterly undone, when
it was hinted that perhaps they need not always make quite so much
smoke."

Charles Dickens, Hard Times

OSHA Goes Down Better With Coke