For a Real Alternative ...

Lean Production and Limp Dicks

Lean Production and Limp Dicks: A Hypothetical

So she says that Americans are buying all this viagra and cialis -- so maybe the only way we can get anyone to pay attention to WORK ORGANIZATION is to point out that oppressive w.o. has been shown to lead to (1) hypertension and (2) depression, etc. And the remedy for hypertension is a drug that limpens the dick! Not to mention that depression, etc., undermine erectile functioning. And Americans seem to care about that.

So, I say what's the big deal, old Americans shouldn't fuck that much anyway, they have more important things to think about, like dying and immortality. And on top of that, one scientist showed that turtle dicks in the Everglades were getting smaller and nobody seemed to be concerned about that. In any case, I cannot imagine a grassroots campaign led by the Gray Panthers with signs like: Give us Back our Dicks! I just don't see it.

So, is this the way to fight neo-liberalism? I'd say it;s a non-starter.

Winner!!

FROM:THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR OF PROMOTION
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Rats Jump Ship!

From BBC NEWS

Merrill to sell loans unit to GE

Merrill Lynch, which has suffered badly in the credit crunch, has said it will sell most of its capital lending business to a unit of General Electric. (General Electric used to make stuff but no more.)

The value of the sale has not been announced, but Merrill's new boss John Thain said it would free up $1.3bn (£656m) to spend elsewhere in the firm. (A big bonus for the boss would be nice!)

The bank wrote down $8.4bn in its last set of three-month results, after its exposure to the US sub-prime crisis. (Oh no! A toxic exposure! Quarantine the bastard!)

Some analysts expect it to make further losses in the next three months.

GE Capital is to buy Merrill Lynch Capital's corporate finance, equipment finance, franchise, energy and healthcare finance units. (Sounds like money can still be made -- That Welch is really hot!)

The commercial real estate finance unit is not included in the deal.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/business/7159274.stm

Published: 2007/12/24 13:40:39 GMT

© BBC MMVII

60 Years Late

Sometimes it is a wonderful thing to indulge your memory, your nostalgia! Why I remember going to a parade with Aunt Minnie -- there were Ukrainian dancers, big red flags, it was really great!

I would NEVER NEVER have remembered that wonderful parade had not the New York Times published today an announcement that J. Edgar Hoover was going to put Aunt Minnie in a concentration camp! Wow! What a great reminder!

Utterly Miserable Weather

Utterly Miserable Weather Decried by Everyone; Candidates Fail to Respond

New England: The completely shitty weather all over New England has been pleasing only to those freaks who like to go up and down hills on sticks. Everyone else hates this. When Rudy ("the Man") Giuliani was asked about his take on the revolting amount of snow falling all over the place, he said, "That's why I'm going to Missouri. I hate fucking New Hampshire." John McCain said, "Well tough on you asshole. See if I care." The Democratic candidates uniformly relpied, "It's that asshole Bush's fault. And Cheney is worse. We'll stop the snow and make everybody buy insurance just like that asshole Romney did. How's that fr bipartisanship?" Mitt ("the Man") Romney said that the Democrats are always copying him. "For christ's sake, I represent capital, not these jerks. Why don't they just give up -- this is ridiculous."

National Center for Sustainable Gambling Centers of Excellence

National Center for Sustainable Gambling -- Centers of Excellence

The new National Center for Sustainable Gambling has announced a request for proposals to establish a regional centers of excellence in gambling research, education and service. Proposals are welcome from institutions that are heavily dependent on tax revenues, are associated with Native American organizations, and/or are related in some way to respected political figures. Organizations with previous connections to organized crime are discouraged from applying since they will have alternative sources of support linked to the new casino initiative and the NCSG is discouraging double-dipping where possible. Innovative ideas about gambling research are welcomed:
wind, solar and thermal sources for powering roulette wheels will be considered, alternatives to the use of PVC in poker chips and other gambling accoutrements are of interest, ergonomic design of poker, black jack, etc. will be encouraged. A later RFA will be coming for those who are interested in gambling as an alternative to voting.

Deadline: This is a rolling RFP. Decisions will be made by rolling the dice which many consider superior to peer review.

Gambling With the Future

From Nero News Service:

Massachusetts Roulette

First, the red shirts are union guys organized by Bobby Haynes to put pressure on the legislature for good jobs - yes, good union casino jobs. Bobby is going for what matters - not taxes on the corporations and wealthy, not jobs that bring real new money to MA, but casino jobs - jobs that take earnings and turn them into high stakes fantasies. Yes, labor is on a roll (of the dice) as it clearly sees its role (as the leaders of mice). This is surely the path to building a new movement. Just envision it, if you will - as workers, many unorganized swarm to the casinos to advance their holdings, the organized casino workers will hand them union cards to sign. A beautiful strategy for building the rankles (er, ranks) of labor. Brill, as we say.

Then, listen to the story and the interview with multi-billionaire casino developer Sheldon Adelson, a Dorchester native and maybe the third richest man in the US. He'll tell you what's wrong with the current effort to bring casinos to MA.

All the news that fits, we print

The Nero News Service, As the World Burns, provides streaming and steamin' news to the important news venues of the world, which is why we send this to you, the Hartford Gazette and Warrior

http://www.wbur.org/news/2007/73414_20071219.asp

Turkey and Curds: A Modern Policy Dilemna

Bulletin: US-Turkey Relations in Disarray

Madison, Wisconsin. (From a special correspondent)

The Bush Administration was completely surprised by the sudden appearance of troops from Ankara in rural Wisconsin. Accused of giving asylum to revolutionary Curds, Sec'y Condo Rice exclaimed, "The turks are in the whey! Get them out of here!"

(more to come)

Plan to Raze Rich Neighborhoods in New Orleans

NEW ORLEANS — At a moment when the shortage of housing in the city is causing significant hardship, the federal government is beginning this week to tear down thousands of houses in the city’s richest neighborhoods.

The plan is producing sharp opposition, which has escalated to include raucous demonstrations and, perhaps, threats of arson and other violence. The rich people are really pissed.

On Thursday, outside City Hall and opposite a park where rich people are living in dozens of small tents, about 100 demonstrators chanted “Stop the demolitions now!” A few were displaced residents from really posh neighborhoods; most were activists and public housing advocates from here and cities from New York to California.

Though local and federal housing officials say the storm-damaged projects were inhuman places to live and should not be rebuilt, some protesters accused the government of a darker motive behind the demolition plan. They contended that the government’s real aim was to keep the rich, mostly male, almost entirely white residents of really rich neighborhoods from returning to their city, to their homes.

Insurance Industry Grants: Not made up!

Insurance Industry Charitable Foundation to Host First
Annual New York City Gala Dinner

Special Guest, Michael R. Bloomberg, Mayor, New York City to
Attend

Foundation to Unveil Three Major Grants Totaling $500,000 to
Tri-State Organizations

WHAT: The Insurance Industry Charitable Foundation will host its
first annual dinner in New York Special guest, Michael
Bloomberg, Mayor, New York City, will join dinner chairman
Martin J. Sullivan, president and CEO of American
International Group, Inc. to honor Brian Duperreault, Former
Chairman & CEO of ACE, Limited. The foundation will award
three major grants to charitable causes in the tri-state area
and expects to raise $1.5 million.

Emcees for the event are CBS 2 Weekend News anchor, Kirsten
Cole and hockey legend, former New York Ranger, Mike Richter

The grantees are:
-- New York City Financial Empowerment Center
-- As part of the City's Center for Economic
Opportunity, the Office of Financial Empowerment
offers free financial advice to New Yorkers.
-- Wounded Warriors Project
-- Raises public awareness and enlists aid for
severely injured service men and women.
-- Riverkeeper
-- Safeguards the ecological integrity of the Hudson
River, its tributaries and the watershed of
New York City

The foundation is funded and directed by insurance
professionals from a broad spectrum of companies within the
industry.

WHEN: December 5, 2007
5:30 p.m. Reception
6:30 p.m. Dinner

WHERE: The Waldorf-Astoria, New York City

RSVP: For media credentials or to RSVP contact
Michelle Shayo
212-819-4891
michelle.shayo@edelman.com

CONTACT: For The Insurance Industry Charitable Foundation
Robin Edwards, 212-704-8148
robin.edwards@edelman.com
or
Michelle Shayo, 212-819-4891
michelle.shayo@edelman.com

We Love Vegetarians!

Mushy Busts Bhutto's Butt!

Mushy Busts Bhutto's Butt!

Special from Islamabad

The General, former favorite of the Bush Administration, is having some trouble. So, the Bush Leaguers sent in designated hitter, Benazir Bhutto, to save the day -- but low and behold, Casey would not step away from the bat! Mushy put Bhutto under house arrest and the Bush's are having a shit fit!

All this, by the way, is about the A-bomb's that Pakistan got with the help or at least the blind eye of the Americans! And now, sitting around the country are 60 or so atomic weapons -- mass destruction!! What a giant fuck-up! Who could make up such a story!!!

Mel Brooks Starts Nonprofit Foundation To Save Word 'Schmuck'

*Mel Brooks Starts Nonprofit Foundation To Save Word 'Schmuck'
*

(Sent by a special Chicago correspondent)


November 2, 2007. NEW YORK. Saying he could no longer stand idly by
while a vital part of American culture is lost forever, activist and
Broadway producer Mel Brooks has founded a nonprofit organization
dedicated to preserving the word "schmuck."

An emotional Brooks stopped short of kvetching at a schmuck fundraiser
Monday.

"Schmuck is dying," a sober Brooks said during a 2,000-person rally held
in his hometown of Williamsburg, Brooklyn Monday. "For many of us,
saying 'schmuck' is a way of life. Yet when I walk down the street and
see people behaving in foolish, pathetic, or otherwise schmucky ways, I
hear only the words 'prick' and 'douche bag.' I just shake my head and
think, 'I don't want to live in a world like this.'"

The nonprofit, Sch mucks For Schmuck, has compiled schmuck-related data
from the past 80 years and conducted its own independent research on
contemporary "schmuck" usage. According to Brooks, the statistics are
frightening:

Utterances of the word "schmuck" have declined every year since its peak
in 1951, and in 2006, the word was spoken a mere 28 times , 17 of these
times by Brooks himself. The study indicates that today, when faced with
a situation in which one can use a targeted or self-deprecating insult
to convey a general feeling of disgust, people are 50 times more likely
to use the word
"jerk" than "schmuck," 100 times more likely to use "dick," and 15,000
times more likely to use "fucking asshole."

Perhaps more startling, only 23 percent of men know what schmuck means,
and only 1.2 percent of these men are under the age of 78. If such
trends continue, Brooks estimates that by 2011, such lesser-used terms
as "imbecile," "dummy," "schlub," and "contemptible ne'er-do-well" will
all surpass schmuck, which is projected to completely disappear by the
year 2020.

"We must save this word!" Brooks said to thunderous applause as those in
attendance began chanting "Schmuck! Schmuck! Schmuck!" "How will we be
able to charmingly describe someone who acts in an inappropriate
manner? Especially given the tragic loss of the word 'schmegeggie' in
2001. So I urge you: Tonight, when you get home, please, call up your
family, your
friends, your loved ones, and tell them they're a bunch of schmucks."

Hundreds turned out at a Boca Raton, FL demonstration to show their
support for the dying word.

"I've never told anyone this before," Brooks added, choking back tears,
"but my father was a schmuck."

The foundation has already raised more than $20 million, thanks to
donations from supporters such as Jackie Mason, Albert Brooks, the
Schtupp Institute, Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI), and the Henny Youngman
Endowment for the Preserva tion o f Schmekel. The money will go toward
projects aimed at reintegrating "schmuck" into the English lexicon,
including billboards and flyers plastered with the word "schmuck," the
upcoming 5K Schlep for Schmuck Awareness, and a new Mel Brooks film.

"The world cannot afford to lose this valuable and versatile word,"
Brooks told reporters during a charity auction in Manhattan's Upper West
Side Tuesday, where attendees bid for the chance to have a private lunch
with Brooks and repeatedly call him a schmuck. "You can be a poor
schmuck, a lazy schmuck, a dumb schmuck, or just a plain old schmuck. A
group of people can
be collectively referred to as schmucks. You can call someone a schmuck,
and you can be called a schmuck. You can even call yourself a schmuck."

"Plus, it's just so fun to say," Brooks added. "Schmuck."

Many of the foundation's volunteers say they share Brooks' passion for
the word "schmuck," as well as his outrage that it is slowly
disappearing from everyday use. They claim that if they do not act now,
the trend could create a snowball effect.

"Today it's schmuck, tomorrow it might be toochis," said SFS volunteer
Harry Steinbergmann, 82. "What's next, schlemiel? Putz? Schlimazel?"

Steinbergmann went on to classify this scenario as farcockteh.

Brooks will be appearing at Brooklyn's Francis Scott Key Junior High on
Nov. 12 to give an informal lecture about his experiences using the word
"schmuck," and build grassroots support among a key group of young
Americans by explaining that "schmuck" is a Yiddish term for the
foreskin on the head of a penis. In addition, he has hinted at the
possibility of a reunion with longtime comedy partner Gene Wilder,
during which the two will call each other schmucks.

Old Folks Auction

Taking a page out of the real estate book -- an auctioning off of people's dreams and hopes at prices designed to foster other folks' dreams and hopes, the Social Security Administration has decided to auction off pensioners.

"We could probably get a nice price for an old accountant or taxi cab driver," said the Secretary of Homeland Insecurity. "I think I myself might by a nanny for our kids, maybe a pool man -- but that might not work, too strenuous."

This is the Bush Administration's most adventurous proposal for the solution to the so-called social security crisis. It is, frankly, much more humane than other proposals previously discussed -- ice flows, compost heaps, etc.

"Let's see how this flies with the press," said a high level informant. "We might actually be able to save some on Medicare if we work them really hard. Mines might be good."

Fox Watching

VDW March Called Off!

Squabbling Vets De-Rail March

Special from Reno

The newly formed Veterans of Domestic Wars broke into factions during an all night meeting to discuss possible compromises in the order of today's march. The League of Divorced Women sparred with the Abandoned Dads Association over position in the march. Children of Impossible Parents began to scream that they wanted to go first but they were drowned out by the new political marchers, the Veterans of Gassed Demonstrations, the Union of Hosed-Down Demonstrators and an assortment of neo-Nazi groups who demanded they be permitted to march.

"What will happen to our proposed memorial to the unknown lawyer?" said one disappointed divorcee. "They will be hung by their fucking thumbs!" replied an angry Dad With No Money. "Damn," said a long-haired old couple, "we miss the fucking Cold War, Lyndon Johnson, the Gulf of Tonkin! This is ridiculous!"

Heavy Metal

I met someone today who complained that her feet were heavy from lead and mercury, they had collected in her body fat over time and, now, when she wants to work out and lose weight, the lead is so heavy that she cannot do it.

I thought that there must be lead in my heart, it felt so heavy as I talked with her. And my heart will not burn: it has been fire-proofed with asbestos.

US to become Semi-Autonomous Chinese Subsidiary?

Chinese Proposal: US will be semi-autonomous subsidiary

In a provocative column in The People's Daily, a high-level adviser to President Bush proposed that the US debt to China be re-structured, with bond-holders taking over ownership of the United States. The new company, USX (or ex-US as some have suggested), would have similar status to Hong Kong or Goa, with a certain degree of autonomy maintained, e.g., casinos would still be permitted. This solution to the debt crisis would also take away the veil that separates US foreign policy from that of the People's Republic. "After all," said one Chinese commentator, "we are paying for this damned war in the Middle East and we don't get a thing out of Halliburton and Blackwater!" The Chinese government is considering the proposal and will let the Bush Administration know its response in time for Thanksgiving dinner.

Boston Sweeps Iraqis

Boston Sweeps Iraqis in Four!

Why is the Prez having such a hard time in the Middle East when the Boston Red Sox blew away the Iraqis in a four game sweep?!!!