Banker Robbers Foiled in Treasury Raid!
Washington: A gang of banker-robbers failed in their attempt to clean out the US Treasury this week. Somehow citizens were alerted to the clever plan to clean out the US vaults and were able to put a stop to it -- at least for a while. "I was very confused," said one citizen who preferred to remain anonymous. "I thought people were supposed to rob banks, not the other way around!" Insiders said that they thought this was an indication that certain business elements realized that the Republicans were going to lose the upcoming election for President and decided to steal what they could before November.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Your Urgent Help Needed!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Your Urgent Help Needed
Dear American:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a
transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had
crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion
dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most
profitable to you.
I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my
replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may
know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the
1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds
as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names
of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family
lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person
who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account
numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to
wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for
this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with
detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the
funds.
Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson
Your Urgent Help Needed
Dear American:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a
transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had
crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion
dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most
profitable to you.
I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my
replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may
know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the
1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds
as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names
of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family
lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person
who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account
numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to
wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for
this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with
detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the
funds.
Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Time Out,America!
Really, the presidential campaign dwarfs any kind of spoofing the HG&W can even dream of -- so we'll have to wait for the election returns. Then we will be broadcasting from Amsterdam or not. Depends.
Friday, September 05, 2008
What Shade Lipstick for GOP?
What Shade Lipstick for GOP's VP Candidate?
This is a contest -- let's have your suggestions! Maybe get a Government Contract!
For example:
Bullshit Blue
Smut-mouth Scarlet
Something Oily?
But make up your own! Maybe you'll make a fortune!
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
RP Firm on Anti-Affirmative Action Plank
RP Stands Firm on Anti-Affirmative Action Plank
St. Paul, MN. Standing firmly on a plank to oppose affirmative action, the RNC announced today that it believes in hard work and bootstraps as the way for all individuals to advance their social and economic status. The plank calls for promoting individuals to work positions based upon their abilities, experience, and education and training, fitting the best prepared person to the job.
"We've demonstrated our commitment to these principles by selecting Gov. Palin as our vice presidential nominee. Her luminous qualifications include both engagement in vice as well as efforts to eliminate vice in government. We believe that the role of all citizens, except those chosen to lead, is to attend to their daily affairs, stay focused on the home and family, and when it comes to war - just breed enough strong children to fight in battle for God and country. Sarah has demonstrated that she is well qualified to carry this message" said Hadassah Lieberman at the convention. Her husband Joe, a prior VP selection hopeful, stated that he could support Gov. Palin even if she does not shave her hair.
"After all, I'm open to all kinds of religious practice. One of my favorites is standing at the donations wall of the insurance industry in Hartford and praying for more money."
Speaking of her pregnant daughter and the young man who will soon be a happily-wedded father, "Isn't it adorable. We have Juno in Juneau."
St. Paul, MN. Standing firmly on a plank to oppose affirmative action, the RNC announced today that it believes in hard work and bootstraps as the way for all individuals to advance their social and economic status. The plank calls for promoting individuals to work positions based upon their abilities, experience, and education and training, fitting the best prepared person to the job.
"We've demonstrated our commitment to these principles by selecting Gov. Palin as our vice presidential nominee. Her luminous qualifications include both engagement in vice as well as efforts to eliminate vice in government. We believe that the role of all citizens, except those chosen to lead, is to attend to their daily affairs, stay focused on the home and family, and when it comes to war - just breed enough strong children to fight in battle for God and country. Sarah has demonstrated that she is well qualified to carry this message" said Hadassah Lieberman at the convention. Her husband Joe, a prior VP selection hopeful, stated that he could support Gov. Palin even if she does not shave her hair.
"After all, I'm open to all kinds of religious practice. One of my favorites is standing at the donations wall of the insurance industry in Hartford and praying for more money."
Speaking of her pregnant daughter and the young man who will soon be a happily-wedded father, "Isn't it adorable. We have Juno in Juneau."
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