Sunday, April 29, 2007
Live from The Front
Live from Santiago: More news about the Coup
"Did you actually imagine that there would be no consequences?" asked the secret source of information. "I find it amazing that people of principle can attack others, destroy their careers and reputations, and then not understand that there may be consequences!"
This is the fourth day of siege of the presidential palace. Some people think that this is about ideology, others imagine it is about high principles. But the central issue, according to a highly informed secret informer, is the question of key to the men's room. "How can it any longer be a men's room if a woman is going to use it?" asked one idiot. "Isn't she just so ambitious and pushy?" asked another.
"I love academic politics!" said an even more undercover source. "It's about nothing, blood is spilled, and nobody even gets to ride the fire truck! What a pisser!"
"Did you actually imagine that there would be no consequences?" asked the secret source of information. "I find it amazing that people of principle can attack others, destroy their careers and reputations, and then not understand that there may be consequences!"
This is the fourth day of siege of the presidential palace. Some people think that this is about ideology, others imagine it is about high principles. But the central issue, according to a highly informed secret informer, is the question of key to the men's room. "How can it any longer be a men's room if a woman is going to use it?" asked one idiot. "Isn't she just so ambitious and pushy?" asked another.
"I love academic politics!" said an even more undercover source. "It's about nothing, blood is spilled, and nobody even gets to ride the fire truck! What a pisser!"
Friday, April 27, 2007
Foucault U.: Big Changes!
FOUCAULT U. DEPRIVED OF ITS PROVOST
Santiago, special to Hartford Gazette
One of the leading but smaller universities has been deprived of its multicultural multitasking multilingual academic leadership. Professor J. Woodfellow has agreed to step down after being stepped upon one time too many.
"Nano this, nano that!", he is reported to have said. "Nano up yours!"
Woodfellow will not return to the slums as originally reported. His close associate, Prof. F. Asperilligus, assured confidential sources off the record that the deposed provost would be taken care of.
Meanwhile, in rural Santiago, the Irony Workers Union had a rally to protest the brutal nature of the anti-Woodfellow coup. The Deconstruction Workers Association sported signs deriding the administration: "Easy Come, Easy Go!"
Santiago, special to Hartford Gazette
One of the leading but smaller universities has been deprived of its multicultural multitasking multilingual academic leadership. Professor J. Woodfellow has agreed to step down after being stepped upon one time too many.
"Nano this, nano that!", he is reported to have said. "Nano up yours!"
Woodfellow will not return to the slums as originally reported. His close associate, Prof. F. Asperilligus, assured confidential sources off the record that the deposed provost would be taken care of.
Meanwhile, in rural Santiago, the Irony Workers Union had a rally to protest the brutal nature of the anti-Woodfellow coup. The Deconstruction Workers Association sported signs deriding the administration: "Easy Come, Easy Go!"
Friday, April 20, 2007
Truth Stranger than Satire: on Sellafield
From The Times
April 18, 2007
Sellafield kept workers’ body parts for research
Christina Buckley and Rajeev Syal
The Sellafield nuclear site secretly stored and tested the hearts, lungs and other organs of some of its former workers over a period of 30 years, The Times has learnt.
From the 1960s to the 1990s, body parts from at least 65 employees who worked at Britain’s biggest nuclear plant were taken to the site after postmortem examinations for radiation and were kept in freezers.
British Nuclear Group (BNG), which now runs Sellafield, claimed yesterday that in 61 cases the removal was done on the authority of a coroner. However, The Times understands that the families of the deceased were never informed and their consent not obtained. In four cases BNG has no record of any mandate at all. The body parts were destroyed by the testing process although some were kept for several months.
Alistair Darling, the Trade and Industry Secretary, will make an emergency statement to the Commons today. He is expected to launch an independent inquiry, the findings of which will be made public. BNG may have to comb through 20,000 medical records of deceased employees to determine the extent of the problem.
Related Links
* Families demand end to Sellafield’s silence
* Sellafield rapped over 'lost' plutonium
In 1977 the UK Atomic Energy Authority, which controlled Sellafield, declared that there was no risk attached to working at the plant. However, the disclosures reveal that it continued secretly to test its employees’ bodies for another 15 years.
The revelation has striking parallels with the Alder Hey hospital scandal, where body parts from more than 850 infants were stored in more than 2,000 containers on the secret orders of doctor. A spokesman for the Department of Trade and Industry, the nuclear industry’s sponsor department, said: “The prime concern is the feelings of the families. There are clearly a large number of matters that need investigating dating back to the 1960s.” BNG is expected to try to contact all the families it can.
Paul Noon, general secretary of Prospect, the union representing nuclear scientists and engineers at Sellafield, formerly known as Windscale, said: “This issue must be treated in an open and transparent way to protect the interests of the affected families, employees across the nuclear industry today, and the wider public interest. Full disclosure must be the first step and of course an undertaking that such practices will never again be pursued.”
BNG said that the practice of taking some organs from deceased employees began in 1962 and stopped in 1992. The controversy has only come to light now because a research group recently asked for permission to reanalyse some data taken from the tests. That request went before a medical committee of BNG, at which it emerged that there was no evidence of family consent.
At the time of the testing the UK Atomic Energy Authority was a full government agency. Although BNG is still state-owned it is operates at arm’s-length from the Government and is being broken up for sale. The management of Sellafield is the jewel in the crown of the privatisation and will go to private business.
The scandal will hit families hard in the close-knit community of Whitehaven, where most workers have traditionally lived since the plant became a big employer in the 1960s.
Taking body organs without permission is illegal after the scandal at Alder Hey in Liverpool. Parents were not told of the removal of their children’s organs, a practice carried out between 1988 and 1995.
The scandal, and a similar episode at Bristol Royal Infirmary, prompted new legislation. By 2005, coroners had lost the right to demand the retention of tissue from a postmortem examination, even if the cause of death was still unclear.
BNG will not comment on the results of the testing, although it is believed that none of the workers died from radiation poisoning and that their body parts were tested for the effects of long-term radiation exposure.
In February 1977 Geoffrey Schofield, the British Nuclear Fuels chief medical officer, announced an inquiry into whether or not the plant was dangerous to work in. The medical records of 20,000 people who had worked there were examined and it was concluded that there was no additional risk.
April 18, 2007
Sellafield kept workers’ body parts for research
Christina Buckley and Rajeev Syal
The Sellafield nuclear site secretly stored and tested the hearts, lungs and other organs of some of its former workers over a period of 30 years, The Times has learnt.
From the 1960s to the 1990s, body parts from at least 65 employees who worked at Britain’s biggest nuclear plant were taken to the site after postmortem examinations for radiation and were kept in freezers.
British Nuclear Group (BNG), which now runs Sellafield, claimed yesterday that in 61 cases the removal was done on the authority of a coroner. However, The Times understands that the families of the deceased were never informed and their consent not obtained. In four cases BNG has no record of any mandate at all. The body parts were destroyed by the testing process although some were kept for several months.
Alistair Darling, the Trade and Industry Secretary, will make an emergency statement to the Commons today. He is expected to launch an independent inquiry, the findings of which will be made public. BNG may have to comb through 20,000 medical records of deceased employees to determine the extent of the problem.
Related Links
* Families demand end to Sellafield’s silence
* Sellafield rapped over 'lost' plutonium
In 1977 the UK Atomic Energy Authority, which controlled Sellafield, declared that there was no risk attached to working at the plant. However, the disclosures reveal that it continued secretly to test its employees’ bodies for another 15 years.
The revelation has striking parallels with the Alder Hey hospital scandal, where body parts from more than 850 infants were stored in more than 2,000 containers on the secret orders of doctor. A spokesman for the Department of Trade and Industry, the nuclear industry’s sponsor department, said: “The prime concern is the feelings of the families. There are clearly a large number of matters that need investigating dating back to the 1960s.” BNG is expected to try to contact all the families it can.
Paul Noon, general secretary of Prospect, the union representing nuclear scientists and engineers at Sellafield, formerly known as Windscale, said: “This issue must be treated in an open and transparent way to protect the interests of the affected families, employees across the nuclear industry today, and the wider public interest. Full disclosure must be the first step and of course an undertaking that such practices will never again be pursued.”
BNG said that the practice of taking some organs from deceased employees began in 1962 and stopped in 1992. The controversy has only come to light now because a research group recently asked for permission to reanalyse some data taken from the tests. That request went before a medical committee of BNG, at which it emerged that there was no evidence of family consent.
At the time of the testing the UK Atomic Energy Authority was a full government agency. Although BNG is still state-owned it is operates at arm’s-length from the Government and is being broken up for sale. The management of Sellafield is the jewel in the crown of the privatisation and will go to private business.
The scandal will hit families hard in the close-knit community of Whitehaven, where most workers have traditionally lived since the plant became a big employer in the 1960s.
Taking body organs without permission is illegal after the scandal at Alder Hey in Liverpool. Parents were not told of the removal of their children’s organs, a practice carried out between 1988 and 1995.
The scandal, and a similar episode at Bristol Royal Infirmary, prompted new legislation. By 2005, coroners had lost the right to demand the retention of tissue from a postmortem examination, even if the cause of death was still unclear.
BNG will not comment on the results of the testing, although it is believed that none of the workers died from radiation poisoning and that their body parts were tested for the effects of long-term radiation exposure.
In February 1977 Geoffrey Schofield, the British Nuclear Fuels chief medical officer, announced an inquiry into whether or not the plant was dangerous to work in. The medical records of 20,000 people who had worked there were examined and it was concluded that there was no additional risk.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
NAWA calls for draft in wake of Blacksburgh
Washington, D.C. From a special correspondent.
The shootings in Virginia have raised many questions about the American gun culture -- and about the need, some say, for tighter regulation of guns. "That's not right!" says Charley Heston, spokesperson for the National Automatic Weapon Association. "What we need," says Mr. Heston, "is a return to the draft! National military service would have prevented the deaths of all those students. Why it's safer for Americans in downtown Baghdad than on a college campus!"
Mr. Heston's companion, Ronald R. Rambo, also out on a damage control mission for NAWA, suggested that even the shooter would have been better off in the military. "Kill all you can kill! That's our new motto!" said young Rambo.
We think there's something to be said for the NAWA's new policy position. What's your thinking on this?
The shootings in Virginia have raised many questions about the American gun culture -- and about the need, some say, for tighter regulation of guns. "That's not right!" says Charley Heston, spokesperson for the National Automatic Weapon Association. "What we need," says Mr. Heston, "is a return to the draft! National military service would have prevented the deaths of all those students. Why it's safer for Americans in downtown Baghdad than on a college campus!"
Mr. Heston's companion, Ronald R. Rambo, also out on a damage control mission for NAWA, suggested that even the shooter would have been better off in the military. "Kill all you can kill! That's our new motto!" said young Rambo.
We think there's something to be said for the NAWA's new policy position. What's your thinking on this?
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
An Alternative Approach to Command/Control OSHA
(This is not a joke. I did not make it up. I copied from real website. Crispy)
Corporate Chaplains of America
A large percentage of people today do not have any relationship with a church or other organized religious group. Often rushed for time, their beliefs and personal needs take a back seat to the meetings, deadlines, and agendas of the workplace. Yet, the problems at home don't go away...they are simply brought, as emotional baggage, to work each day. Corporate Chaplains of America was founded in 1996 to provide genuine “Caring in the Workplace”, while following a structured business plan built upon process management principles.
The organization employs full time, long term, career chaplains who combine workplace experience with professional chaplaincy training. In addition to holding seminary level or higher degrees, all chaplains will pursue certification through 154 hours of continuing education within the first year of tenure.
Desiring to be America’s leading full time corporate chaplain agency, Corporate Chaplains of America was the first to provide:
A process managed system to provide seamless integration of its chaplaincy system into companies large and small, public and private, serving businesses in practically every SIC industry classification. Some clients employ as few as 10 associates, while others have in excess of 10,000.
* An exclusively full time workforce of highly trained professional chaplains with an exceptionally high retention rate in excess of 93% over the history of the organization.
* Significant investment (more than one half million dollars) in integrated continuing education systems designed to keep chaplain skills current.
* Long term career pathways for chaplains and support staff.
* Full time headquarters staff dedicated exclusively to chaplain recruitment.
* Branded uniform clothing consistent with workplace environment.
* Universal continuing education training and emotional decompression events. Three times per year all chaplains retreat from the field as a group for three days to recharge emotionally and enhance skills.
* Strong financial controls, leading to the top financial ranking of any agency in the industry according to Guidestar.com, a non-profit watchdog group.
The organizational vision of Corporate Chaplains of America is to employ over 1,000 full time chaplains, serving over one million employees by 2012.
Corporate Chaplains of America incorporates a variety of means for caring in the workplace. These include any or all of the following: confidential care giving, crisis intervention, management consultation, programs for worship or prayer, referral to other professionals and agencies, training and education for employees and supervisors, employee/community/church relations and programs, and special events scheduled in response to needs which arise in the workplace. Whatever the scope of each family's problems or concerns, Corporate Chaplains of America has a network of qualified and caring outsource providers that can help.
With nearly 100,000 associates under chaplain care, Corporate Chaplains of America has never encountered a complaint regarding overstepping the faith boundaries of a client. At Corporate Chaplains of America, a decade of “Caring in the Workplace” is not merely a slogan, it is a way of life.
Corporate Chaplains of America
A large percentage of people today do not have any relationship with a church or other organized religious group. Often rushed for time, their beliefs and personal needs take a back seat to the meetings, deadlines, and agendas of the workplace. Yet, the problems at home don't go away...they are simply brought, as emotional baggage, to work each day. Corporate Chaplains of America was founded in 1996 to provide genuine “Caring in the Workplace”, while following a structured business plan built upon process management principles.
The organization employs full time, long term, career chaplains who combine workplace experience with professional chaplaincy training. In addition to holding seminary level or higher degrees, all chaplains will pursue certification through 154 hours of continuing education within the first year of tenure.
Desiring to be America’s leading full time corporate chaplain agency, Corporate Chaplains of America was the first to provide:
A process managed system to provide seamless integration of its chaplaincy system into companies large and small, public and private, serving businesses in practically every SIC industry classification. Some clients employ as few as 10 associates, while others have in excess of 10,000.
* An exclusively full time workforce of highly trained professional chaplains with an exceptionally high retention rate in excess of 93% over the history of the organization.
* Significant investment (more than one half million dollars) in integrated continuing education systems designed to keep chaplain skills current.
* Long term career pathways for chaplains and support staff.
* Full time headquarters staff dedicated exclusively to chaplain recruitment.
* Branded uniform clothing consistent with workplace environment.
* Universal continuing education training and emotional decompression events. Three times per year all chaplains retreat from the field as a group for three days to recharge emotionally and enhance skills.
* Strong financial controls, leading to the top financial ranking of any agency in the industry according to Guidestar.com, a non-profit watchdog group.
The organizational vision of Corporate Chaplains of America is to employ over 1,000 full time chaplains, serving over one million employees by 2012.
Corporate Chaplains of America incorporates a variety of means for caring in the workplace. These include any or all of the following: confidential care giving, crisis intervention, management consultation, programs for worship or prayer, referral to other professionals and agencies, training and education for employees and supervisors, employee/community/church relations and programs, and special events scheduled in response to needs which arise in the workplace. Whatever the scope of each family's problems or concerns, Corporate Chaplains of America has a network of qualified and caring outsource providers that can help.
With nearly 100,000 associates under chaplain care, Corporate Chaplains of America has never encountered a complaint regarding overstepping the faith boundaries of a client. At Corporate Chaplains of America, a decade of “Caring in the Workplace” is not merely a slogan, it is a way of life.
Chaplain Bottleneck Threatens War Effort
All Things Considered, March 1, 2007 · Nationwide, 40 percent of the National Guard's chaplain vacancies remain unfulfilled. In response, the National Guard has increased incentives for chaplains and produced new recruitment materials, including "Courageous Spirit," a DVD targeting clergy who might consider joining up. Iowa, Texas, Washington, and states in the Northeast are all lacking sufficient numbers of National Guard chaplains.
Baghdad, Special from an Embedded Rebbi:
Troops have decided that they cannot go into battle today without adequate chaplaincy service. Iowa and Texas National Guard units are both demanding Evangelicals to join them in the fight, but so far no luck! "Where could we put up a tent?," said one informed source. "Do they have tv in Iraq?" queried another. Field commanders said that they would be more than willing to find vacant storefronts to convert to religious purposes.
"This war will come to a screeching halt," said a Pentagon spokesman. "We may have to contract out chaplaincy, religious healing, rapture, whatever. I'm sure Halliburton will be able to come up with something."
Baghdad, Special from an Embedded Rebbi:
Troops have decided that they cannot go into battle today without adequate chaplaincy service. Iowa and Texas National Guard units are both demanding Evangelicals to join them in the fight, but so far no luck! "Where could we put up a tent?," said one informed source. "Do they have tv in Iraq?" queried another. Field commanders said that they would be more than willing to find vacant storefronts to convert to religious purposes.
"This war will come to a screeching halt," said a Pentagon spokesman. "We may have to contract out chaplaincy, religious healing, rapture, whatever. I'm sure Halliburton will be able to come up with something."
Thursday, April 05, 2007
St. Fluenza Canonized!
Vatican City: Inter-religious Press Dispatch
Saint Fluenza Canonized! He Puked for our Sins!
In a surprise announcement, the Vatican announced today that Father Lou Fluenza has been canonized for his amazing martyrdom and the subsequent cures that Polish Freedom Fighters have reported for the last century. Father Flu, as he was affectionately known, shit and puked for days and days, far beyond what is required by the normal flu virus, and survived to spend the rest of his days in the high Tatras, muttering about his bowels and curing the innocent. Confirmation of the miracles he rendered has arrived recently with the opening of the previously-restricted Soviet KGB medical files.
"Just because he was an informer," said the Bishop of Cracow, "that's no reason to deny the good that St. Flu did!"
St. Fluenza's remains, especially his carefully preserved entrails, are to be exhumed and flown Italy where they will be kept in a special crypt. Miracle cures can be arranged by appointment only.
Saint Fluenza Canonized! He Puked for our Sins!
In a surprise announcement, the Vatican announced today that Father Lou Fluenza has been canonized for his amazing martyrdom and the subsequent cures that Polish Freedom Fighters have reported for the last century. Father Flu, as he was affectionately known, shit and puked for days and days, far beyond what is required by the normal flu virus, and survived to spend the rest of his days in the high Tatras, muttering about his bowels and curing the innocent. Confirmation of the miracles he rendered has arrived recently with the opening of the previously-restricted Soviet KGB medical files.
"Just because he was an informer," said the Bishop of Cracow, "that's no reason to deny the good that St. Flu did!"
St. Fluenza's remains, especially his carefully preserved entrails, are to be exhumed and flown Italy where they will be kept in a special crypt. Miracle cures can be arranged by appointment only.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
ROVE FOR PREZ!
Idaho: Carlos Rove announced his candidacy for President of the United States today. He is the 112th contender in the vicious Republican Party competition for the nomination.
"What's the point in having all the responsibility, taking all the blame, if you don't have the title?" stated Mr. Rove. ""I think I'll ask Alfredo Gonzales to be my running rate. We should get those trains going on time!"
Mr. Gonzales did not comment on the Rove announcement. "I've been doing all his dirty work," said the Attorney General. "I ought to get something out of all this shit!"
Rove also commented that Scooter Libby would be his chief of staff if he could get him a pardon from the present President. "Scooter is a stand-up guy," said Mr. Rove. "If we can't get him out, I'll give him Atlantic City."
"What's the point in having all the responsibility, taking all the blame, if you don't have the title?" stated Mr. Rove. ""I think I'll ask Alfredo Gonzales to be my running rate. We should get those trains going on time!"
Mr. Gonzales did not comment on the Rove announcement. "I've been doing all his dirty work," said the Attorney General. "I ought to get something out of all this shit!"
Rove also commented that Scooter Libby would be his chief of staff if he could get him a pardon from the present President. "Scooter is a stand-up guy," said Mr. Rove. "If we can't get him out, I'll give him Atlantic City."
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