Fat Kids Stuck by Economic Downturn

Growth in Children Stymied by Recession

The New York Times reported today that growth in children has reached a plateau, causing great concern in commodity markets. "National Pediatric Growth (NPG) has slowed down just as fast food sales have fallen. Fat kids are good for the economy and the economy is in the toilet!"

Data collected from a handful of obesity programs around the country suggest that the trends may be real.

In Somerville, Mass., a communitywide intervention led by nutrition researchers at Tufts University included doubling the amount of bacon served for school lunch, painting crosswalks with swastikas to encourage walks to school and increasing physical activity in after-school programs. Re-introducing cigarette dispensing machines for the fifth grade was an additional component of the program that was controversial

Last year, the medical journal Obesity reported that during the 2003-2004 school year, Somerville schoolchildren gained less weight than children in nearby communities. The researchers are trying to replicate the program in rural areas in other parts of the country. Phillip Morris has expressed interest in funding this effort.

In Arkansas, a statewide obesity effort has eliminated vending machines in elementary schools, added a half-hour of daily physical activity to the school curriculum and sent home annual childhood health reports alerting parents about obesity risks.

"Wake up, Christian parents! Your little bastards are getting fat as pigs and we will sell them to the Perdues if you don't get your shit together!"

As part of the program, school officials in the past four years have tracked the weight and height of 475,000 children, and those numbers show that average body mass index rates in Arkansas have held steady. In an effort to restrict child consumption, parents' incomes were drastically curtailed with the support of employers statewide. Sam Walton commented, "We want skinny little shits like they've got in China. Little hands, move real fast, not like this fat white trash here at home."

The leading NGO in the field, Starve the Children, applauded the reports. "The trick is to starve the poor -- they're the ones getting fat and we're paying their damned medical bills."

Vatican says aliens could exist

Vatican says aliens could exist
By David Willey
BBC News, Rome


Father Funes says the universe is so vast that other life forms may exist

The Pope's chief astronomer says that life on Mars cannot be ruled out.

Writing in the Vatican newspaper, the astronomer, Father Gabriel Funes, said intelligent beings created by God could exist in outer space.

Father Funes, director of the Vatican Observatory near Rome, is a respected scientist who collaborates with universities around the world.

The search for forms of extraterrestrial life, he says, does not contradict belief in God.

The official Vatican newspaper headlines his article 'Aliens Are My Brother'.

'Free from sin'

Just as there are multiple forms of life on earth, so there could exist intelligent beings in outer space created by God. And some aliens could even be free from original sin, he speculates.

Asked about the Catholic Church's condemnation four centuries ago of the Italian astronomer and physicist, Galileo, Father Funes diplomatically says mistakes were made, but it is time to turn the page and look towards the future.

Science and religion need each other, and many astronomers believe in God, he assures readers.

To strengthen its scientific credentials, the Vatican is organising a conference next year to mark the 200th anniversary of the birth of the author of the Origin of Species, Charles Darwin.

Yoo-Hoo Musings

What are we to do with Yoo?

If Professor Yoo were teaching at a Not_Law School,
would he profess not-rights? would he advocate the cruel,
he could say not-so-unusual punishment?
Would Yoo say ok to 50 bullets for the bridegroom?
And if that, how many for the bride?
(That's not torture, that's murder.)
But we're mixing up the coasts!

Let's make Yoo talk!
Can Congress waterboard?
Or just skateboard?

Should Yoo have not-academic freedom?
Will he give away his fellow conspirators?

Bad Day?

(Circulating on the internet --)

You might be having a bad day, if:


1] Your new diet doesn't seem to be working

2] You pulled a muscle while trying to exercise


3] Your new hat looked better on you at the store

4] You keep losing things

5] The boss chewed you out at work

6] You got caught in the rain at lunchtime


7] You feel trapped somehow...

8] Traffic on the way home was brutal

9] You think you might be coming down with the flu

10] You're home alone and you hear a noise in the basement




With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is
worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost
went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Pokey' died peacefully at the
age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the
coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Shut up. You know it's funny. Now send it on to someone else and make
them smile.