Iraq War Revealed as Government Sting

U.S. Says Company Bribed Officers for Work in Iraq
By ERIC SCHMITT and JAMES GLANZ
An American-owned company paid hundreds of thousands of
dollars in bribes to U.S. officers in efforts to win more
than $11 million in contracts.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/31/washington/31contract.html?th&emc=th

BUSH EXPLAINS: IT WAS ALL A STING!

Special from Baghdad

The US administration announced this morning that the war in Iraq was actually a sting operation designed to entrap corrupt companies.

"Well, of course no one could believe the rationale for the war because it was all cooked up! We were so upset by the corporate corruption unleashed by deregulation that we knew we had to do something about it," said a high level source in the government. "And as you can see, it has paid off!"

Administration spokespeople were particularly gleeful about using the bribes paid to US Army officers to finance the operation. "This was a no-cost operation! Of course, there was some collateral damage because we did have to attack Iraq and all, but look at the results! Widespread corporate corruption exposed! We have established a new high in Government ethics."

Administration officials denied that this was an idea proposed by Fred Thompson while he was still doing "Law and Order." "We can't reveal the originator of this program,
but it will be clear that once the really big boys are implicated that it couldn't have been Cheney."

Name that Mine!

From the New York Times:

"An official at the mine, the Crandall Canyon, said it could be back in business under a new name, after blocking off the area that collapsed on Aug. 6."

An unconfirmed rumor has it that the company is considering sponsorship of a contest to re-name the mine! Suggestions have included "Big Love Mine", "Corporate Amnesia Mine," "The George W. Bush Mine and Memorial", "Tort Reform Mine", and others. Company spokesmen said that "Jobs Blackmail Mine" seemed unnecessarily negative.

Disorder in the courts

From a Correspondent:


This is from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are
>> things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
>> now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
>> while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>> WITNESS: I forget.
>> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
>> forgot?
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
>> morning?
>> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>> voodoo?
>> WITNESS: We both do.
>> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>> WITNESS: We do.
>> ATTORNEY: You do?
>> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>> WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>> WITNESS: Uh...I was gettin' laid!
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>> WITNESS: None.
>> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>> WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a
>> different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>> WITNESS: By death.
>> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>> WITNESS: Guess.
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed >>
on dead people?
>> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would
you like to rephrase that?
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
go to?
>> WITNESS: Oral.
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
>> an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
____________________________________________________________________
>> And the best for last:
____________________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
>> for a pulse?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
>> you began the autopsy?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
>> nevertheless?
>> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>> practicing law.



--

Rove May Head Defamation League

Washington: BULLETIN FROM SPECIAL CORRESPONDENT!

While the speculation over Carl Rove's next gig continues, our INSIDE INFORMANT tells us that he will become the Executive Director of The Defamation League. He will provide leadership to the new organization, established "to counteract all this anti -defamation stuff, which is getting much too politicized anyway, what with all these people getting killed all over the damned place. Defamation really needs a new image!" said our high level contact.

Good luck, Carl, in your new career! We know you've had some practical experience, now is your big chance!

Protest in Framingham

Framingham, MA: Group Protests Simic

The anti-immigrant group that protested a presentation on toxic cleaners for Brazilian domestic workers has now launched a campaign against the in-coming poet laureate of the United States.

"Don't we have enough American poets? Who is the guy Simic, anyway, stealing jobs from Americans?" said the leader of the now-famous anti-immigrant group.

"We hadn't noticed until our demonstration here a few weeks ago that this damned library is filled with foreigners -- What the hell is this! We demand American books, by American readers and for American readers!!!"

The picket line began to chant, "No more Tolstoy, no more Chekhov, no more Greeks, no more Jews! Just us, USA, USA, USA! Yahoo!!!!"

It didn't rhyme but it scared the shit out of me anyway.

Not Made Up! The Real Thing!

Do I have to split my ill-gained profit with the stockholders? Is it wrong to pay a sheik more than a mullah? If the FDA gets it nasty, is it ok to kill a commissioner?

You asked for answers! and here they come!


Foster Wheeler Selects RedHawk for Multi-Year
Global Business Ethics Training Program

-- One of the world's most prestigious engineering and
construction companies promotes its commitment to business ethics to
nearly 13,000 employees worldwide



EATONTOWN, N.J.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Aug. 15, 2007--RedHawk
Communications, Inc., one of the world's most experienced corporate
ethics training and communication companies, announced today that it
had been selected by Foster Wheeler Ltd. (NASDAQ: FWLT) to provide
custom Code of Business Conduct and Ethics online training courses.

Central to Foster Wheeler's global plan to maintain a high level
of corporate governance and solid business ethics practices; and to
ensure that it serves the best interests of its shareholders and other
stakeholders, the Foster Wheeler Code applies to all directors,
officers, employees of and other persons acting in similar capacities
for the Company and its subsidiaries.

"With approximately eighty percent of our workforce overseas, it
is important for us to maintain a consistent and relevant message for
all of our people worldwide. RedHawk's capabilities for total
customization of our Code of Business Conduct and Ethics training
course provides us with localized and culturally-sensitive foreign
language versions of our training materials. The ability to customize
our program allows for a global ethics training strategy that meets
the needs of our company," said Peter J. Ganz, Executive Vice
President, General Counsel and Secretary of Foster Wheeler Ltd.

Foster Wheeler plans to launch its Code of Business Conduct and
Ethics online training and supporting ethics communication programs in
2007 with additional materials being offered in subsequent years. The
English course content will be translated into multiple languages, and
will be technically capable of deploying in various countries where
Foster Wheeler operates.

"We are very pleased to begin a long-term relationship with a
global, world-class company like Foster Wheeler", said Mike Levine,
CEO of RedHawk. "Our principal value proposition as an ethics training
and communication firm is that an ethics training program,
appropriately customized, will be most relevant to the end user and
therefore, the most effective. True customization means that Foster
Wheeler's ethics courses will reflect the language, tone, policies and
culture of Foster Wheeler, as well as including relevant workplace
scenarios to support the learning process."

Ganz adds, "RedHawk presented us with a plan that thoroughly and
professionally addressed our desire for a long-term vision and
comprehensive, multi-year ethics training program. We feel confident
that Foster Wheeler's Code will be effectively communicated and
well-received by all of our employees across the world."

About Foster Wheeler Ltd.

Foster Wheeler Ltd. is a global company offering, through its
subsidiaries, a broad range of engineering, procurement, construction,
manufacturing, project development and management, research and plant
operation services. Foster Wheeler serves the refining, upstream oil
and gas, LNG and gas-to-liquids, petrochemicals, chemicals, power,
pharmaceuticals, biotechnology and healthcare industries. The
corporation is based in Hamilton, Bermuda, and its operational
headquarters are in Clinton, New Jersey, USA. For more information
about Foster Wheeler, please visit http://www.fwc.com.

About RedHawk Communications, Inc.

RedHawk Communications is one of the world's most experienced
corporate ethics training and communication companies. Since 1992,
RedHawk has created effective ethics programs for leading corporations
around the globe. RedHawk's services include: Code of Conduct writing
and design, online ethics training modules, ethics communication
tools, world-wide translation capabilities, instructor-led ethics
training programs, and video-driven training sessions. RedHawk's
proven communication and training methodology engages employees,
changes behavior, creates ethical culture, and helps companies meet
Sarbanes-Oxley and U.S. Sentencing Guidelines requirements. To learn
more about RedHawk, please visit www.ethicscoach.com.



CONTACT: RedHawk Communications, Inc.
Antoinette Taylor, 732-440-1600
ataylor@ethicscoach.com

News From Chernobyl

Michigan: From our Correspondent

BBC Reports


"The idea that the exclusion zone around the Chernobyl nuclear power plant has created a wildlife haven is not scientifically justified, a study says."

Oh.

When Carl Goes A-Roving!

Washington Gossip:

When Carl Rove was asked about his plans for a new career, this reporter was shocked!

"I have decided to enter a New Age monastery and will take the name Rove-ananda," responded the pale political operative. "This has all been too much for me: slandering candidates, providing moral (sort of) support for an idiot, you know what I mean," said Rove-ananda. "Perhaps it was all an illusion," said the slimy beast of the Republican Party. " Perhaps it never happened at all."

We'll keep in touch about this!

Guess Who I Met at a Yoga Retreat!