CONGRESS: CLEMENS CAUSES WAR AND POVERTY
In an amazing display of analytical insight, Congressional spokesmen announced that the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, the Gaza Strip and throughout Equatorial Africa have been caused by Roger Clemens.
"His use of life enhancing drugs is the root cause of the whole fucking thing," said an unnamed Congressional source. "This is one subject we can agree with them about," said an Administration official. "It's that son of a bitch drug-using bastard's fault! We never would have gone into Iraq ..."
On the Presidential nomination campaign, all of the candidates agree that Clemens is causing poverty and inequality. "Time for a change!" agreed Hilary and Barry, not to mention McCain and Huckster. "Stop these drug-taking big muscled athletes from doing this shit and we'll all be a lot better off! No more war! End Roger Clemens in our lifetime!"
Arrangements are being made in Washington to burn Mr. Clemens at the stake next week. The Mormon Tabernickle Choir will provide entertainment if the fire is not enough.
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