Contra-King Rally

Nero News Service – As the World Burns
Dateline, Amerika, 1-22-2008

We’re Everywhere-Citizens for an American Right Emancipated (WE CARE) has made major victories this week as it moves to restore the U.S. to a land of decency and safety for right living citizens. In Jena, La., WE CARE demonstrated against the half-century of imposed rights for descendents of former slaves. On the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday, they brought their forces of nearly thirty people to show that the nooses hanging in the tree were not symbolic or a prank. “We came from outside this area to let folks know that whoever put them nooses in the trees is alright with us.” said WE CARE leader Gawna Getcha.

A local teenager and his grandmother who preferred to remain anonymous made it clear that they don’t want no trouble in this town. “The high school is a good place. The kids learn a lot there, and everything is usually ok. Unfortunately, this time on Noose Night, our semi-annual ritual, things got a bit out of hand and the boys hung those things on the tree in the square and were so drunk the forgot to take them down before dawn. Such a shame that it has marred the name of our good town.”

But this is a minor battle for WE CARE. Elsewhere, they have a hunters’ rights battle on their hand. The group’s western regional environmental affairs coordinator, Klaus BarbyandKen, was having to defend the use of Compound 1080, a mixture of M-44 and sodium fluoroacetate, that WE CARE has encouraged the US Agriculture Dept. to use to kill coyotes and maybe illegal immigrants.

Mr. BarbyandKen told reporters at a press conference, “F**k man. Not since the good old days of Zyklon D have we been able to so successfully eliminate pests. This is better living through chemistry, and that’s the American way, ain’t it?” WE CARE then discontinued the press conference in order to engage in a protest march to signal its opposition to global warming. “This is what hot air looks like.” they chanted as they marched down the streets of Fargo, ND.