NIH Runs for Money

Bethesda, Maryland. By a special correspondent.

Whispers abound at the National Institute of Health about a proposal that NIH researchers -- including staff at everything from the National Cancer Institute to the National Institute for Heart, Lung, Guts, and Foot Disease -- be required to participate in a foot race to be held on the banks of the Potomac. The top 20% of the runners will be permitted to submit research proposals within NIH, but only if they are sporting company logos. Rumors indicate that Squibb and Pfizer will field teams of runners, while Philip Morris has indicated that it will sponsor only the cookie division, not the smokeless tobacco. Coca Cola is offering free running shoes, while Bayer is sponsoring a "Gesundheit" team.

But of course, this is just a rumor. Far more likely that NIH will be privatized in the next year.