Schmucks Strike Back!

Washington (Special to the HG&W)

In two actions yesterday, the Schmucks International struck back at the neo-liberal establishment. At 6AM, as the sun rose, Washington saw that the Washington Monument, a giant schmuck if I ever saw one, had been painted pink. "This is another example of unleashed and unreasonable gay activism!" said the President of the Free World. "We will defend ourselves with all the strength, blood, sweat, etc. It looks like the Schmucks have joined the Gays!"

Meanwhile, Sunday afternoon at the Vatican Museum was a shock. All the penises that had been broken off Greek statues had been superglued back on and in an anatomically correct manner. "What are we to do," said the German Pope, "when the conspiracy of Schmucken has widened to this extent!!!"

The only comforting news for the anti-schmuck forces was the assurance from Pakistan that they were not sheltering the Schmuck forces. "What a relief!" said the leader of the free world and the pope.