Butterfly Bombs in Boston

Madama Butterfly, Boston, MA
Majestic Theatre Boston
219 Tremont Street (Halfway between the Citi Wang Center and the Boston
Common)
Boston MA 02116

Friday, 10/26/07 at 7:30 PM
ORCHESTRA CENTER, Row P, Seat 109


BULGARIANS, RUSSIANS, OTHERS FROM CEE DRESS UP LIKE JAPANESE AND SING

I bullied my wife into coming with me to see this production of Madame Butterfly -- and then I dragged her out of the theatre after one act.

1. I realized that I really only like that one heart-tearing aria that everybody knows but that still brings tears to one's eyes -- and that is not a reason to sit through the whole business getting a stiff neck and a sore tuchus.

2. I hate this story! Pinkerton -- an apt name -- labor spy, private dick, collector of thugs -- is a first class pig of an American and, knowing that he is going to abandon his 15-year-old Japanese wife and she is going to end up killing herself, why would I stay through the end of this awful story.

3. I had forgotten that she had converted to Christianity and was cursed by her family for it; I had forgotten what a fucking pedophile Pinkerton is; and I had forgotten that the utter arrogance, narcissism, swashbuckling bullshit (aptly captured by the Bulgarian leading man simply by keeping his hands in his pockets)brilliantly characterizes Americans abroad.

Argh! I could not stand it. They say that the customers boo-ed the first showing of Madame B. I would have, but the audience seemed polite and I hate getting thrown out of places. Much better to just leave.

No Sex and the City

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Tough Environmental Trade-Offs

The rehabilitation organisation, Criminals Return into Society (CRIS), has warned that the smoking ban will create trouble among prisoners who are suddenly denied access to drugs and for whom smoking provides the only semblance of a soft landing.

"It's going to be really hard for prisoners not to smoke if they've just quit drugs, alcohol and crime," CRIS spokesman Christer Karlsson told The Local.

Stockholm, from a special correspondent.

The Swedish Society for Neo-Liberal Economics has proposed the creation of a prison market -- in effect, a bubble placed over each prison in which the inmates can trade "shares" in various prohibited activities.

"Rather than this command and control sort of regulation, true rehab would involve prisoners making choices about preferred transgressions and selling the less desired ones to others with different utility curves!" said the leader of the group, Sven Svenson.

"What a great fucking idea!" said supporters in the Ametrican Enterprise Institute.

A Think-Piece from Natasha

From Natasha: European Correspondent

It seems that there is need for a new world religion, one that brings together the 3 major world religions - Islam, Judaism, and Christianity. It should be called "Iskvetchianity".

Iskvetchianity levels the proverbial playing field. Martyrdom is important in all 3 religions, although this is in fact a gray area for Jews, who, in principle, do not believe in heaven or hell (Jews think they get enough of that in the here and now - why bother thinking of more for later.). But spiritual Jews often believe in some form of continuous existence in life after life after life. So, for those Jews who believe that there is some form of continuation of spirit or soul after the here and now, Iskvetchianity should bring relief. Why?

Iskevtchianity recognizes the weakness of humans. Thus, this new global religion allows for kvetching (complaining (Wikepedia, 600AD) in martyrs, or in people trying to get recognized as martyrs. Up to now, in any religion, it has been forbidden to kvetch no matter how much you are being tortured, or for how long, for a good cause. Jesus was not permitted to so much as utter a groan while on the stake. Joan of Arc was not allowed to express her frustration about being horse-bound day and night for months on end. This is not fair, and does not consider the scientific limitations of the human organism and human brain chemistry. Humans need to kvetch - especially Jewish humans, who have a genetic predisposition to kvetch more than anyone. This allows them to expel excess quantities of carbon dioxide, allowing them to be less tired, work harder and longer hours and thus achieve more senior positions in family-owned jewellery shops than people of either the Islamic or Christian faith.

The world needs more martyrs. More martyrs would mean there are more people dedicated to a cause, so much that they are willing to die for it. In the pre-2008 Presidential election period, more martyrs are needed on any number of critical issues - such as health care reform, education reform (look how badly our students write today), foreign policy reform, budget balancing, and so on. More martyrs would mean more causes reach the media (the media today loves a good martyr death). But if people knew they were allowed to kvetch while being a martyr, there certainly would be a significant increase in numbers of martyrs. A poll done by the Society for Improved People found that 87% of individuals in a 100 million household survey in Azerbaijan, Iran, Italy, France, Israel and the USA said they dreamed of being a martyr but were scared off because they knew the martyrdom process was certain to hurt and they would not be allowed to kvetch. Self selection out of the martyrdom process for people supporting a variety of causes reduced the pool of potential martyrs to approximately 0 (when controlling for those taking anti-psychotic drugs).

Iskvetchianity brings people together around the world, people who thought they were divided by principles and rules of engagement. Isvketchianity now gives people of all three major religions in the world equal opportunity to aspire to new heights.

Join now - a local chapter is just around your corner.

Latest Issue of New Mouse

New Mouse, Vol. 43, no. 3, 2007

Editorial: The Next Mouse Super Model

Original Articles

Chen F, Mugwal E, and Spinoza B. Abusing Mice: Stress-Linked Chemicals and the Battered Mouse Syndrome

Petrucelli L, Archimedes V, and Smith J, Gene Manipulation to Develop a Bully Mouse

Harrison R, Doolittle E, and Shaw GB, Sex and the Single Mouse:Reproductive Implications

Hammerstein G, Rogers G, and Wang X, Mouse Simulation and Mouse Stimulation: Machine Sex in the Next Generation

Commentary

Allied Radiation Physicists, Un-Mousing the Atom: Time to Reconsider Nukes

Alliance for Humane Treatment of Disgusting Rodents: Fuck You, You Miserable Torturers

Troops Sieze Stadium in Ann Arbor

Watson Committed

Watson Committed to Hospital for Late-stage Waldheimer's Dementia

From our Cold Springs correspondent

James Watson, decoder of DNA and head of the Cold Spring Institute, was taken away in a straight jacket this afternoon after announcing that the Institute was to be re-named the Aryan Center for Eugenics and insisting that a swastika flag be displayed on the front lawn. Earlier indications that Dr. Watson had lost his mind were noted in his recent trip to England. The newspapers there reported:

"The 79-year-old geneticist reopened the explosive debate about race and
science in a newspaper interview in which he said Western policies towards
African countries were wrongly based on an assumption that black people
were as clever as their white counterparts when "testing" suggested the
contrary. He claimed genes responsible for creating differences in human
intelligence could be found within a decade."

The Watson talks were applauded by the Austrian People's Party science adviser, Louis Mengele. "It's about time that someone said the obvious truth: the Nazis were right in so many ways!" Mengele is expected to be released from a hospital for the treatment of late stage syphilis so that he may die comfortably in the Hospice for
Old Fascists.

"Well," said a former Watson fan, "the old bastard is certainly not boring. A racist pig, for sure, so don't save his sperm -- it may be genetic."

Murdoch buys FCC for Undisclosed Price

Murdoch Purchases FCC for Undisclosed Price

Special from our Business Correspondent

In an audacious move to break the deadlock over common ownership of the New York Post and the NY Fox station, a syndicate controlled by Rupert Murdoch purchased the FCC for an undisclosed amount of money and stock. The new entity will be known as FCC Inc.

"We've had to pay in bits and pieces all these years," said an undisclosed media industry spokesperson. "Finally, we bit the bullet and bought the whole damned thing. This the wonderful thing about the market -- it provides real solutions!"

New SHE-ite Leader Named by Meehan

New Face Recognition Technology Employed by Big Cities

New Face Recognition Technology Employed by Big Cities

Boston,by special correspondent

Big cities are now using face recognition technology in creative ways, far beyond the original anti-terror purposes. For instance, a friend was walking down Commonwealth Avenue and at a corner he heard a voice say, "Watch it faggot! The light is red!" He looked around and could find no one there. As a young woman walked up he heard thesame voice say, "You ignorant slut! Don't you dare cross against the light!"

The wonders of technology never cease!

Will the Lame Duck President Step Down?

Not news, but Analysis

Washington, Oct. 14 — At the gathering of leaders of the Group of 8 industrialized nations in Germany this year, President Bush turned to President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia and remarked that the two of them had outlasted most of their old colleagues from the group’s annual meetings, American officials recalled. Jacques Chirac, Silvio Berlusconi, Gerhard Schröder and Tony Blair had left or were leaving.


“Next year,” Mr. Bush said, “you will be out on your ass and I will be sitting pretty!”


Mr. Putin responded, “Go fuck yourself!”.


Now, though, Mr. Bush’s plans are far from clear, and as a result, the Russian’s hopes that the US will move toward a freer, more democratic society have substantially diminished. The international community as a whole is uncertain how to deal with a man who has consolidated power almost exclusively in his own hands. Indeed, there is a certain discomfort regarding Mr. Bush’s future right here in Washington.


“If you don’t have countervailing institutions, then the power of any one president is problematic for democratic development,” Ms. Rice said Saturday, raising concerns about the American judiciary, legislative branch and news media, but declining to criticize Mr. Bush by name.


When asked by reporters more than once and by a human rights advocate in a meeting at Morgan State University in Baltimore, she declined to discuss who might lead the US, formally or informally, come next year and what that outcome might mean.


At a news conference with the Americans and their Russian counterparts, the question elicited a smile from Russia’s foreign minister, Sergey V. Lavrov, and guffaws from uniformed members of the general staff sitting in the audience, as if asking it were audacious.


“There’s a lot of speculation about who’s going to be president, whether President Bush is going to take any of a number of jobs or no job at all,” Ms. Rice said later, “and I just think speculating on that is not going to help.”
Such comments reflect another reality: the powerlessness of the international institutions when it comes to prodding the US in a more democratic direction, barely six years after the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 seemed to herald a new era of cooperation.


Mr. Bush, a believer in the personal bonds of diplomacy, said he had seen in Mr. Putin’s eyes a trusted democratic ally in the effort to curb terrorism. Instead, on Mr. Bush’s watch, the US has slid toward a more authoritarian system that seems to differ with much of the world on more issues than not.


The decline of popular support in the US for the president and occasional scoldings by the international community have accomplished little except to harden American administration views and in the news media. A swaggering Mr. Bush opened discussions recently with a sarcastic harangue over the American plans for missile defense.
Tanya Lokshina, the chairwoman of a Russian human rights organization, the Demos Center for Information and Research, contends that the United States had “lost the high moral ground,” and thus should indicate to European countries that it would halt its drift further away from democracy.


“The American voice alone doesn’t work anymore,” she said after a meeting with Secretary of State Rice. “The Russians are not influenced by it.” She said Ms. Rice had bristled at the criticism, replying sharply, “We never lost the high moral ground.”


Senator Richard G. Lugar, Republican of Indiana, said last week that he could imagine Mr. Bush turning to his friend and saying, “You really would be better off, Vladimir, if you really moved a little bit further from democracy. We certainly have!” He went on to say that he did not expect a change – either in Russia or the US.


In fact, senior administration officials find it hard to imagine that Mr. Bush would step aside and leave the trappings of office to a successor, even a weakened one, let alone the power he has concentrated in the presidency. Could the US conceivably be represented at the next Group of 8 meeting, or any other important meeting, by someone who is nominally the head of state, but not the country’s real leader?

Genetic Design for Prevention: Call for Papers

The Association for Improved People, a group funded by Christian churches and the Coors/Miller Better America Program, has called for papers on "Genetic Design for Prevention." AIP publishes a quarterly journal, Bulletin of the Really Rich People, that focuses on the problems modern society faces because of the poor quality of people.

"We know that the liberal-commie Federal government, a great disappointment to us, is sponsoring Design Through Prevention discussions about American workplaces and is completely neglecting the need for better people. Let's have some research on eugenics, euthanasia and eutopia! Creative thinkers, let's get some new code that will make DNA stand up and sing!"

Industry Proposes Fat Worker Study

Innovative Ideas for Scientific Researchers: Let's Study Fat Workers!

Detroit, from a special correspondent.


At a conference on "Innovative Ideas for Scientific Researchers," held in Detroit this week by an private-public consortium on Workplace Wellness, the formation of a new Center for the Study of Fat, Lazy, Stupid and Irresponsible Employees was proposed by a group of industry representatives.

"We heartily approve of the anti-obesity initiative of public health officials, especially if they focus on these fat workers who don't want to do anything all day and then want us to pay for their goddam health bills!" said a GM representative who asked to remain anonymous. "They go around complaining about stress! Damn! I've got stress!" said the executive. "Let's have some research that will shut these bastards up!"

New Center for Pipsqueak Lung

New NIH Center for Pipsqueak Lung Funded

Research Triangle, NC. Special to the HG&W


In an effort to ensure the irrelevance of epidemiological research for the health of American workers but at the same time to appear to be doing something useful, NIH has announced a new program for research on pipsqueak lung.

"We know that scientists have been trying really hard to find obscure subjects, rare diseases, minor chemicals effecting very few workers, but we feel it is really necessary to focus resources in this area," said Dr. Rudolph Mengele, head of the new Center for Pipsqueak Research. "It should no longer be necessary to engage in unethical corporate practices if we can support scientific work on truly obscure subjects that no one really cares about, except for the families of the particular dead people."

The National Association of Manufacturers applauded the new program. "Why all this fuss about backs and elbows? Why worry about work intensification and job stress? Absolutely, this is the way to go. Let the scientists find out stuff that nobody gives a shit about. Keeps them busy."

Endgame

Endgame

Global warming has not lightened
The dark morning, Apollo indifferent
To economic growth, internal com-
Bustion naught beside the sun.

Yet terran creatures crawl about,
Some believe they were chosen to rule,
Others not so vain, busily eat
And scratch homes in the dirt.

The fish have heard of impending room,
I’ve always wanted to see Manhattan,
Says the tuna, New Orleans failed
To live up to our expectations.

Austrian chimps, some say, soon will vote,
Ferociously debate the war on drugs,
The war on terror, though human traffic
Will fail to raise a storm.

The gods, disappointed by Cold War –
Thought they’d see a blazing finish –
Do enjoy market rampant and
Conventional weapons, but later

They will pack for an expanding universe,
Earth’s endgame is tedious and
The stench of burning plastic
Offends divine nostrils.

Surprises @ Oral Roberts U.

"The ex-professors, citing a secret internal report by an official of the Oral Roberts Ministries, linked to the university in Tulsa, Okla., sued on Oct. 2. They also contended that the Roberts house on the campus had been remodeled 11 times in 14 years, that the university jet took family members on trips and that the family’s university-paid cellphones sent text messages to “under-age males — often between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m.”

"The plaintiffs said “some of the more salacious entries” were omitted from the suit “to preserve, as much as possible, the remaining positive image of the university.”"

From the New York Times, October 11, 2007

No Child Left Behind

A Shrinking Company (Empire)


“A Hollywood walkout” -- That saying is likely to gain currency after the United States reached a tentative agreement Wednesday to withdraw from Iraq only too many years since the invasion. According to the New York Times, the Marine Corps doesn’t want to stay there anyway --


The new agreement appears to have emerged as a way for both US leaders and company managers, at a time of deep troubles in their industry (empire), to prove to their constituents that they got the best deal they could under the circumstances, without the damage of an all-out (nuclear) war.


Given the industry’s (country’s) financial woes, neither side can afford a drawn-out battle. “It isn’t the time to have a life-or-death struggle,” said John Paul MacDuffie, a professor of management at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.


Meanwhile:


Last week, the Senate approved a $459 billion Pentagon spending bill, an increase of $43 billion, or more than 10 percent over the last budget. That bill did not include, as part of a separate bill, President Bush’s request for almost $190 billion for operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. Democratic Senators supported the measure as another aspect of No Child Left Behind. “What better way to test our students?”

Bush moves to Karachi

George Bush's “election” last weekend as Pakistan’s president was a perversion of democracy.

The vote was not really a vote since, knowing how badly the deck was stacked, the opposition parties refused to participate. Term limitations in the home country required that Bush seek an alternate venue for his quasi-monarchy. The results must now be certified by the Supreme Court, but this is an old story for President Bush. We hope the court will rule fairly and independently — and that President Bush's enablers in Washington will make clear that he must respect that decision and finally start moving his countries toward the rule of law.

Returning the United States to civilian government has been a declared goal of the Pakistanis since President Bush seized power in 2000. While General M. has time and again promised that he would resign his post, President Bush has not even hinted that he would step down as chief advocate of unregulated capitalism and take off the uniform, but even now he is playing cute about when — and whether — that might happen. " Karachi, Washington, what's the difference?" said one commentator. "It's all global, right?"

He has used his power vindictively and squandered his popular support by forcing rivals into exile and by harassing and intimidating journalists, judges and anyone who has tried to stand up to him. When confronted with mass protests this summer, President Bush threatened to go even further and suspend the Parliament and impose martial law. It took a 2 a.m. phone call from Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to get him to back down.

New Anti-Environment Institute at MIT

MIT has just received $100 million to establish the Koch Institute for "it Ain't My Fault" Research. "More work on genes, less on the environment," said an MIT spokesperson, "but that's the way it goes. Gift horse and all that."

Mr. Koch, who holds bachelor's and master's degrees in chemical
engineering from MIT, is an executive vice president and board member
of Koch Industries, Inc., a diverse group of companies with about $90
billion in revenues, 80,000 employees, and a presence in nearly 60
countries. Koch companies are involved in refining and chemicals;
process and pollution control equipment and technologies; minerals and
fertilizer; fibers and polymers; commodity and financial trading and
services; and forest and consumer products.

The New War on Killing Miners

Special from Morgantown:

The New War on Killing Miners

The Bush Administration's MSHA, which barely exists anyway, has called for a "new war on killing miners." Top officials have proposed an innovative program to have miners retrained to grow poppies on land previously strip-mined or just stripped.

"The war on drugs is not working anyway, and we're spending all this money abroad," said informed sources. "We should just grow the damned stuff at home, reduce the deficit in our trade, save the lives of miners and launch our new energy policy -- all of this with one big, new, War on Something!"

The miners union has asked for assurances that the administration will block immigrant workers from taking the new poppy-growing jobs in the US. "This is work that we need and that we deserve. Imagine going down into those shit-holes year after year! For that matter, imagine tearing up the front yard, the back yard, the school yard, and stripping out coal for some damned company that's prepared to sacrifice you and your everything for a few bucks! Too hell with them," said a leading official.

General Foods, RJR, Johns Manville and several other un-named producers of nasty products are all considering going into the poppy-growing business if this new program gets off the ground. "Marijuana! That's nothing!, " said a Pfizer rep. "This is really the big time! Right up there with Viagra!" Halliburton Educational Corporation has indicated its interest in the re-training program which, if approved, could "amount to some real money", said a close associate of the former chief executive of the company. "We would give this to Scoop," he said. "He's really having a hard time getting work these days."

German Unity Day

GERMAN UNITY DAY
A Note to Our Readers

Wednesday, Oct. 3, is a federal holiday in Germany. The country is celebrating the 17th anniversary of the reunification of East and West Germany in 1990. All German newspapers suspend publication during holidays. Though SPIEGEL ONLINE INTERNATIONAL will publish on a limited basis on Wednesday, our daily "World from Berlin" press review will return on Thursday. The Hartford Gazette and Warrior will continue to publish, except in Austria where it will board up or darken its windows.

Miami Enlightenment

CITY OF MIAMI, OFFICE DEPOT AND DEPARTMENT OF HUD CELEBRATE

"CHANGE A LIGHT DAY" IN SOUTH FLORIDA

Mayor Manny Diaz Asks Miami Residents to Pledge to Change a Light;

2,000 Local Residents to Chant Om

Miami, Fla., October 3, 2007 – City of Miami residents are being encouraged to Change a Light this Friday, October 5, in an effort to save energy, money and reduce greenhouse gas emissions. City of Miami Mayor Manny Diaz, Office Depot (NYSE: ODP), a leading global provider of office products and services, and the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) are joining forces and handing out 2,000 guides to meditation and chanting to residents of the City of Miami. The event will begin this Friday at 10am at the Brisas Del Mar Apartments at 556 W. Flagler in Miami, FL.

"Throw away your artificial light!" said the Swami Bar Mitzvah. "Enlightenment can be yours, warming only your heart, not the globe!!"

Support Our Blackwater!

North Carolina -- from a special correspondent, a different one, though.

A new movement was launched by a citizens group in North Carolina this week. The slogan is "Blackwater is Beautiful!" and the intent of the organization is to provide moral support of the innumerable contractors and contract employees who are doing their best while doing well in Iraq. "Iraq rocks!" said one supporter whose name we were not able to catch because he was wearing a very chic bedsheet with hood. "We used to have to have our meetings back in the swamp," said one leader, "but then the swamp became wetlands and we were beset upon by environmental corrections. Now we can do whatever we want in a whole other country and nobody seems to give a damn! It's great to be an Americanski!"

Another sign said, "Support your local mercenary!" but we weren't sure how seriously to take it.