Watson Committed

Watson Committed to Hospital for Late-stage Waldheimer's Dementia

From our Cold Springs correspondent

James Watson, decoder of DNA and head of the Cold Spring Institute, was taken away in a straight jacket this afternoon after announcing that the Institute was to be re-named the Aryan Center for Eugenics and insisting that a swastika flag be displayed on the front lawn. Earlier indications that Dr. Watson had lost his mind were noted in his recent trip to England. The newspapers there reported:

"The 79-year-old geneticist reopened the explosive debate about race and
science in a newspaper interview in which he said Western policies towards
African countries were wrongly based on an assumption that black people
were as clever as their white counterparts when "testing" suggested the
contrary. He claimed genes responsible for creating differences in human
intelligence could be found within a decade."

The Watson talks were applauded by the Austrian People's Party science adviser, Louis Mengele. "It's about time that someone said the obvious truth: the Nazis were right in so many ways!" Mengele is expected to be released from a hospital for the treatment of late stage syphilis so that he may die comfortably in the Hospice for
Old Fascists.

"Well," said a former Watson fan, "the old bastard is certainly not boring. A racist pig, for sure, so don't save his sperm -- it may be genetic."