Thursday, September 27, 2007
Duke Docs Get Dough
Put Up Your Dukes
(from a special correspondent)
Duke University Medical Center announced Monday that it will receive a gift of $35M to help keep the medical establishment from investigating root causes of diseases.
Named after the donor, real estate magnate and Dole Foods owner David Murdock, the study will be called the "Measurement to Understand the Reclassification of Diseases of Cabarrus and Kannapolis" study. The money will be spent on reaffirming the medical community's well-established view that illnesses and diseases are caused exclusively by genes and bad personal "lifestyles."
According to an anonymous Duke official, "The physicians conducting the study will be so busy thinking about genomes and personal vices that the thought of looking at patterns of diseases and the social factors that cause them, such as economic inequality--which will not be alleviated by this gift, simply could not enter their heads."
Rather than put the $35 million towards an active preventive approach to health, the M.U.R.D.O.C.K. study strategy is a more sensational and profitable wait-and-see. The official explained the study's emphasis on developing "personalized treatment tools" for those stricken with disease rather than on prevention: "Big donors want to see the bang for their buck. Since we can't know whose diseases we've prevented, prevention gives us got nothing to show for the money. I mean, what are we going to do? Parade around a bunch of well people and say 'see who we might have saved'? We'll never raise another dime doing that. So we've decided that it's best to just wait for people to get very sick and in dramatic fashion cure one or two of them. Then we can show everyone they could be saved with the best 'personalized treatment tools' money could buy, if they had the money."
One physician anxious to get in on the research action said "Well, I've never actually heard of Carrubus or Kannopolis but they sound like terrible diseases."
(from a special correspondent)
Duke University Medical Center announced Monday that it will receive a gift of $35M to help keep the medical establishment from investigating root causes of diseases.
Named after the donor, real estate magnate and Dole Foods owner David Murdock, the study will be called the "Measurement to Understand the Reclassification of Diseases of Cabarrus and Kannapolis" study. The money will be spent on reaffirming the medical community's well-established view that illnesses and diseases are caused exclusively by genes and bad personal "lifestyles."
According to an anonymous Duke official, "The physicians conducting the study will be so busy thinking about genomes and personal vices that the thought of looking at patterns of diseases and the social factors that cause them, such as economic inequality--which will not be alleviated by this gift, simply could not enter their heads."
Rather than put the $35 million towards an active preventive approach to health, the M.U.R.D.O.C.K. study strategy is a more sensational and profitable wait-and-see. The official explained the study's emphasis on developing "personalized treatment tools" for those stricken with disease rather than on prevention: "Big donors want to see the bang for their buck. Since we can't know whose diseases we've prevented, prevention gives us got nothing to show for the money. I mean, what are we going to do? Parade around a bunch of well people and say 'see who we might have saved'? We'll never raise another dime doing that. So we've decided that it's best to just wait for people to get very sick and in dramatic fashion cure one or two of them. Then we can show everyone they could be saved with the best 'personalized treatment tools' money could buy, if they had the money."
One physician anxious to get in on the research action said "Well, I've never actually heard of Carrubus or Kannopolis but they sound like terrible diseases."
Monday, September 24, 2007
Wisdom of the Fathers
Someone said,
The world is divided into two groups of people,
1. The group that has really good advice for things that you should do;
2. The group that suggests things that should be done instead of what you are doing but has no intention of doing any of the extremely important tasks they are proposing.
Someone else said,
Stuff it up your tuches.
The world is divided into two groups of people,
1. The group that has really good advice for things that you should do;
2. The group that suggests things that should be done instead of what you are doing but has no intention of doing any of the extremely important tasks they are proposing.
Someone else said,
Stuff it up your tuches.
Secrets of Social Health
Secrets of Social Health
The trick to staying out of trouble, said our highly placed informant, is to stay at home all the time.
No going outside.
Phone as little as possible.
E-mail is verboten.
No tv, no radio, not even NPR (which is a great blessing).
The result of such cautious and clever behavior: No Bullshit To Deal With. The Precautionary Principle!
This preserves health, saves a lot of money and avoids sexually transmitted diseases -- completely! Stay at home and you'll be ok! Agoraphobia Now!
The trick to staying out of trouble, said our highly placed informant, is to stay at home all the time.
No going outside.
Phone as little as possible.
E-mail is verboten.
No tv, no radio, not even NPR (which is a great blessing).
The result of such cautious and clever behavior: No Bullshit To Deal With. The Precautionary Principle!
This preserves health, saves a lot of money and avoids sexually transmitted diseases -- completely! Stay at home and you'll be ok! Agoraphobia Now!
Wie sagt man "Abu Graib" auf Deutsch?
"Inevitably, they pose the question: What would you have done? Filled your mouth with blueberries or balked and paid the mortal price? Perhaps no single question is more important. The voyeur has the luxury of posing it whereas those living then had to answer it. The overwhelming majority acquiesced to the unspeakable.
"It has become banal to quote Hannah Arendt. But she encapsulated these photos’ conundrum when she wrote: “Under conditions of terror most people will comply but some people will not,” adding that “Humanly speaking, no more is required and no more can reasonably be asked for this planet to remain a place fit for human habitation.”
"Like Germany’s unfinished but already remarkable postwar voyage from self-amputation to self-realization, these words bear pondering."
Roger Cohen in the New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/24/opinion/24cohen.html?th&emc=th
Good News!
Good News!
This Monday morning newspaper reports on nothing new at all! Graft, corruption, unjustified war, murder, the usual stream of Monday morning crap. Which is good news, after all, because no one dropped an A-bomb and you and I are still alive! Congratulations!
This Monday morning newspaper reports on nothing new at all! Graft, corruption, unjustified war, murder, the usual stream of Monday morning crap. Which is good news, after all, because no one dropped an A-bomb and you and I are still alive! Congratulations!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Ain't America Grand!
From BBC:
The Minneapolis airport toilet where US senator Larry Craig was arrested for allegedly soliciting gay sex is now attracting tourists, say airport staff.
"People are taking pictures," Karen Evans, an information officer at Minneapolis-St Paul international airport, told Associated Press.
(Thanks to our AA Correspondent!)
Shocked
Monday morning, New York Times, on New Hampshire election day phone jamming:
"It is shocking to think that anyone in the White House was involved in a dirty trick designed to prevent Americans from exercising their democratic rights."
We're shocked too.
"It is shocking to think that anyone in the White House was involved in a dirty trick designed to prevent Americans from exercising their democratic rights."
We're shocked too.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Totally Kids Childcare Center School Age Adventures
09-12-2007 10:22 AM
(Warwick, RI) -- Warwick police are trying to determine what caused a small school bus to roll over this morning, sending approximately nine children to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries. The accident on Bald Hill Road South, near the Warwick Mall, happened just before 8 a.m. Three rescue crews were called to the scene to transport the children to Hasbro Children's Hospital in Providence. The bus was on its way to the Totally Kids Childcare Center School Age Adventures on Messer Street in Warwick, which isn't far from where accident occurred. A school representative says the bus was hit by a car before it rolled over and that all the children were all standing when rescue crews arrived.
Copyright 2007 Metro Networks Communications Inc., A Westwood One Company
(Warwick, RI) -- Warwick police are trying to determine what caused a small school bus to roll over this morning, sending approximately nine children to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries. The accident on Bald Hill Road South, near the Warwick Mall, happened just before 8 a.m. Three rescue crews were called to the scene to transport the children to Hasbro Children's Hospital in Providence. The bus was on its way to the Totally Kids Childcare Center School Age Adventures on Messer Street in Warwick, which isn't far from where accident occurred. A school representative says the bus was hit by a car before it rolled over and that all the children were all standing when rescue crews arrived.
Copyright 2007 Metro Networks Communications Inc., A Westwood One Company
He said, "Will you marry me?"
Below is a list of comments often cited as reasons for rejection of a proposal:
• Too simplistic
• No comparisons made with other technologies
• Not fully familiar with current technologies
• Not sufficiently ambitious compared to existing technologies
• More development than fundamental research
• Does not adequately address prior art
• Missing comparisons to known technology
• Not discussed adequately
• Discussion of adaptation unclear
• No discussion of what is different from existing technologies
• Should be presented in more detail
• Needs more detail concerning collaborations
• Not enough technical detail
• Illustrations not very convincing
• Claims are overstated and unsubstantiated
• Needs discussion of solid evidence
• Difficulties involved in approach are underestimated
• Evidence not provided to substantiate assumptions
• Theoretical framework missing
• Overly ambitious
• Technical approach lacks sufficient details
• Too vague
• Not concrete enough
• Research plan unclear
• Does not present new areas
• Lacks sufficient discussion of related technologies
• Unclear whether goals are achievable
• Unclear commitment of university
• Project outcome not clear
• References do not show knowledge of recent related work
• Not well conceived
• Not well organized
• Broader impacts section is deficient
• Too simplistic
• No comparisons made with other technologies
• Not fully familiar with current technologies
• Not sufficiently ambitious compared to existing technologies
• More development than fundamental research
• Does not adequately address prior art
• Missing comparisons to known technology
• Not discussed adequately
• Discussion of adaptation unclear
• No discussion of what is different from existing technologies
• Should be presented in more detail
• Needs more detail concerning collaborations
• Not enough technical detail
• Illustrations not very convincing
• Claims are overstated and unsubstantiated
• Needs discussion of solid evidence
• Difficulties involved in approach are underestimated
• Evidence not provided to substantiate assumptions
• Theoretical framework missing
• Overly ambitious
• Technical approach lacks sufficient details
• Too vague
• Not concrete enough
• Research plan unclear
• Does not present new areas
• Lacks sufficient discussion of related technologies
• Unclear whether goals are achievable
• Unclear commitment of university
• Project outcome not clear
• References do not show knowledge of recent related work
• Not well conceived
• Not well organized
• Broader impacts section is deficient
Japanese Surprise
TOKYO, Sept. 12 — President George W. Bush, the nationalist leader whose vision of an unapologetic and strong Japan foundered on scandals, incompetence and gaffes, announced abruptly today that he would step down.
President Bush, who had steadfastly refused to resign, announced his departure Wednesday, taking Japan by surprise.
In a hastily called news conference, Mr. Bush acknowledged that he had lost the public’s trust and said he hoped that a new leader would be better able to carry out his policies, including continuing the Japanese military’s participation in the war in Afghanistan.
President Bush, who had steadfastly refused to resign, announced his departure Wednesday, taking Japan by surprise.
In a hastily called news conference, Mr. Bush acknowledged that he had lost the public’s trust and said he hoped that a new leader would be better able to carry out his policies, including continuing the Japanese military’s participation in the war in Afghanistan.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Good News from the Republican Campaign
GOOD NEWS! BRIDGES ARE NOT PART OF THE WELFARE STATE!
Salt Lake City, from a special correspondent
The Romney campaign announced today that contrary to the Bush Administration and to his own previous administration in Massachusetts, bridges would not be considered part of the welfare state and therefore would be kept in relatively good repair. "This is not a new entitlement program!" said a high level source.
Meanwhile, back in New York City, Rudy said that he would wear his best dress to the inauguration whether or not he was elected.
Salt Lake City, from a special correspondent
The Romney campaign announced today that contrary to the Bush Administration and to his own previous administration in Massachusetts, bridges would not be considered part of the welfare state and therefore would be kept in relatively good repair. "This is not a new entitlement program!" said a high level source.
Meanwhile, back in New York City, Rudy said that he would wear his best dress to the inauguration whether or not he was elected.
Friday, September 07, 2007
The Sad Story of the Inflated Semi-Colon
AARP Shows Inflated Colon; Squatters Camp Out
(From a very special correspondent in Cambridge)
We have a report that AARP displayed an inflatable colon in an effort to popularize the colonoscopy. Why anyone would have to advertise this wonderful medical experience is beyond the imagination of the HG&W! Why the purging all by itself is a wonderful experience!
At any rate, a large truck, a semi, delivered the giant plastic colon early in the morning. A group of homeless Joes gathered around, thrilled by the sight of what they called the semi-colon! Then, tiring, they found various places to sack out -- and in the morning, when all the old people arrived, they found the colon populated with people-polyps. Get them out, get them out, the old people cried.
What a sad story!
Thursday, September 06, 2007
The Fox-Murdock Principle
From our special correspondent in the South
The Fox-Murdock Principle*:
1. Things are only harmful if a pretty lady on the television says so.
2. A panel of experts has declared "experts" disagree on everything and are therefore irrelevant.
3. Even if something is harmful, only girlymen complain.
4. One more government regulation and the American economy will completely collapse.
5. You can't do anything about it anyway so why not grab yourself a Bud Light and enjoy tonight's episode of "Are You Smarter than a 5th-Grader?"
*Formerly known as the "Profit Principle"--until Murdock bought the rights and renamed it.
The Fox-Murdock Principle*:
1. Things are only harmful if a pretty lady on the television says so.
2. A panel of experts has declared "experts" disagree on everything and are therefore irrelevant.
3. Even if something is harmful, only girlymen complain.
4. One more government regulation and the American economy will completely collapse.
5. You can't do anything about it anyway so why not grab yourself a Bud Light and enjoy tonight's episode of "Are You Smarter than a 5th-Grader?"
*Formerly known as the "Profit Principle"--until Murdock bought the rights and renamed it.
New NIH Program is Controversial
PROTEST NEW NIH PROGRAM
(From our special correspondent in Cambridge)
A new NIH program to develop organs from "scratch" was announced today, after several protests were lodged against the original statement which said the organs were to be developed from "snatch".
"I can't fucking believe that they said that!" said one commentator. "Well, they better change that one in a hurry!" said another while requesting anonymity.
Meanwhile, descendants of Wanda Landowska (or whatever) complained that organs has no business being involved with NIH. "The organ building business has been re-established in the formerly Communist countries after years of languishing under Stalinist rule. This is a blow to our efforts to re-establish classic industries in Central Europe! For the Americans to undermine us with scratch or snatch is unbelievable!"
A spokesperson for Duke University said that this program had nothing to do with the recent scandals involving Duke laboratories and NIEHS. "We make no organs here! And we have no intention to do so!" said the official announcement.
(From our special correspondent in Cambridge)
A new NIH program to develop organs from "scratch" was announced today, after several protests were lodged against the original statement which said the organs were to be developed from "snatch".
"I can't fucking believe that they said that!" said one commentator. "Well, they better change that one in a hurry!" said another while requesting anonymity.
Meanwhile, descendants of Wanda Landowska (or whatever) complained that organs has no business being involved with NIH. "The organ building business has been re-established in the formerly Communist countries after years of languishing under Stalinist rule. This is a blow to our efforts to re-establish classic industries in Central Europe! For the Americans to undermine us with scratch or snatch is unbelievable!"
A spokesperson for Duke University said that this program had nothing to do with the recent scandals involving Duke laboratories and NIEHS. "We make no organs here! And we have no intention to do so!" said the official announcement.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Increasing Inequality: an alternative to Kyoto
Administration Announces Multi-Point Environmental Policy
Washington: From a Special Correspondent
The Bush Administration has acknowledged that it has had an effective global warming environmental policy for some time now. The elements include:
1. Increasing poverty (so the poor can't consume)
2. Imprisonment of the poor who would like to consume (non-violent crimes especially)
3. Immigration raids, deportation, etc. (so we don't get any more people who want to consume)
4. Health care "crisis" -- euthanasia as environmentalism
5. Safety De-regulation in extractive industries (discouraging mining etc. and making it unpopular)
6. Keeping high-energy torture units in other countries (lights on, electric shock, etc.)
7. Targeted destruction of high-energy cities (New Orleans)
8. Increasing energy prices appear tgo be gouging but are actually designed to ration energy use (especially by poor people)
"What more can we do?" asked an unnamed source. "Nuclear power? OK, let's do nukes again!"
Washington: From a Special Correspondent
The Bush Administration has acknowledged that it has had an effective global warming environmental policy for some time now. The elements include:
1. Increasing poverty (so the poor can't consume)
2. Imprisonment of the poor who would like to consume (non-violent crimes especially)
3. Immigration raids, deportation, etc. (so we don't get any more people who want to consume)
4. Health care "crisis" -- euthanasia as environmentalism
5. Safety De-regulation in extractive industries (discouraging mining etc. and making it unpopular)
6. Keeping high-energy torture units in other countries (lights on, electric shock, etc.)
7. Targeted destruction of high-energy cities (New Orleans)
8. Increasing energy prices appear tgo be gouging but are actually designed to ration energy use (especially by poor people)
"What more can we do?" asked an unnamed source. "Nuclear power? OK, let's do nukes again!"
Monday, September 03, 2007
Guilt Syndrome (GS) -- a new challenge
New Challenge for Pharma Industry
Physicians have been calling for assistance from the pharmaceutical industry because of what appears to be an epidemic of guilt infecting real estate buyers. "I can't stand it any more!," said one overwrought house seeker. "If I go to one more auction and see the poor peopls thrown out of their homes, I will simply not be able to make an offer! And then what will happen to me!"
Guilt syndrome, a new diagnosis, has been growing in frequency since the early 1980's but has reached new heights in the last few years. "Help!" cried one diagnostician. "I thought stress was bad, but this lingering, sickening feeling is ruining all the fun! Where is the drug industry when we really need it!"
Physicians have been calling for assistance from the pharmaceutical industry because of what appears to be an epidemic of guilt infecting real estate buyers. "I can't stand it any more!," said one overwrought house seeker. "If I go to one more auction and see the poor peopls thrown out of their homes, I will simply not be able to make an offer! And then what will happen to me!"
Guilt syndrome, a new diagnosis, has been growing in frequency since the early 1980's but has reached new heights in the last few years. "Help!" cried one diagnostician. "I thought stress was bad, but this lingering, sickening feeling is ruining all the fun! Where is the drug industry when we really need it!"
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